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简单的英语幽默笑话（精选12篇）
学习英语，阅读真的很重要，多阅读一些简单的英语笑话也是提高英语阅读能力的一种，下面小编在这里整理了简单英语小笑话12篇，希望大家会喜欢这些英语笑话!
简单的英语幽默笑话 1
Mike was late for school. He said to his teacher, Mr. Black, "Excuse me for my coming late, sir. I watched a football match in my dream."
"Why did it make you late?" inquired the teacher.
"Because neither team could win the game, so it lasted a long time." replied Mike.
麦克上学迟到了。他对布莱克老师说：“对不起，老师，今天早上我迟到了。因为我在梦里观看了一场球赛。”
“为什么它会让你迟到呢?”老师问道。
“因为这两个队都没有能力获胜，所以就持续的时间长了。”麦克回答说。
简单的英语幽默笑话 2
One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didnt do.
The mother exclaimed, But thats terrible! Im going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didnt do?
The little girl replied, My homework.
一天，小女孩从学校回到家里，对妈妈说：妈妈，今天在学校里我因为一件我没有做的.事情而受到惩罚。
妈妈激动地说：那真是太可怕了!我要跟你的老师好好谈一谈，对了，你没有做过的那件事是什么?
小女孩回答说：我的家庭作业。
简单的英语幽默笑话 3
When theyre together, my five-year-old son and his cousin tend to cause mayhem. one Saturday, I put my foot down. "All right, you two," I said sternly. "No screaming , grabbing, whining, hitting, teasing, tattling, breaking toys, scratching or fighting."
As I turned to leave, I heard my son say, "Cmon, Steven, lets get dirty . "
我五岁的`儿子和他的表弟在一起的时候，总要招来大乱。一个星期六，我开始抗议了。“好啦，你们两个，”我严厉地说，“不许叫喊，不许乱拿，不许哭闹，不许乱敲，不许取笑，不许扯淡，不许弄坏玩具，不许乱抓，不许打架。” 我刚转身要走，就听我儿子说：“来，斯蒂文，我们来把自己弄脏吧。”
简单的英语幽默笑话 4
Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, Im the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says
"Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him whats wrong and he answered, "Whats wrong? I work for 7up"!
四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的'董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"
简单的英语幽默笑话 5
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.
The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?”
The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I dont wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than Ive ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?”
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, “My wifes first husband.”
简单的英语幽默笑话 6
An engineer, a physicist1, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?"
The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four."
The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation2 with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced "Four."
The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked "How much do you want it to be?"
简单的英语幽默笑话 7
When Tom Howard was seventeen years old he was as tall as his father, so he began to borrow Mr. Howards clothes when he wanted to go out with his friends in the evening.
Mr. Howard did not like this, and he always got very angry when he found his son wearing any of his things.
One evening when Tom came downstairs to go out, his father stopped him in the hall. He looked at Toms clothes very carefully.
Then he said angrily, "Isnt that one of my ties, Tom?"
"Yes, Father, it is," answered Tom.
"And that shirts mine too."
"Yes, thats yours too," answered Tom.
"And youre wearing my belt!" said Mr. Howard.
"Yes, I am, Father," answered Tom. "You dont want your trousers to fall down, do you?"
简单的英语幽默笑话 8
The preacher was vexed because a certain member of his congregation always fell asleep during the sermon.
As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congregation. "All who want to go to heaven, please rise." Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering "Be seated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced, "All those who want to be with the devil, please rise."
Awaking with a start , the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit , "Well, sir," he said, "I dont know what were voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."
牧师非常生气，因为总有一个人在他说教时打瞌睡。
一个星期天，正当坐在前排的那个人又在瞌睡时，牧师决定要好好教育他一下，让他不要再在布道时睡觉。于是他低声对信徒们说：“想去天堂的人，都请站起来吧。”所有的人都站了起来——当然，除了那个打瞌睡的人。在低声说过请坐后，牧师高声喊道：“想去下地狱的'人请站起来!”
打瞌睡的人被这突然的喊叫声惊醒了，他站了起来。看到牧师高站在教坛上，正生气的看着他。这个人说道：“噢，先生，我不知道我们在选什么，但看上去只有你和我是候选人。”
简单的英语幽默笑话 9
Peter joined the army when he was eighteen,and for several months he was taught how to be a good soldier.He did quite well in everything except shooting.One day he and his friends were practicing their shooting,and all of them were doing quite well except Peter.After he had shot at the target nine times and had not hit it once,the officer who was trying to teach the young soldiers to shoot said,"Youre quite hopeless,Peter!Dont waste your last bullet too!Go behind that wall and shoot yourself with it!"
Peter felt ashamed.He went behind the wall,and a few seconds later the officer and the other young soldiers heard the sound of a shot.
"Heavens!" the officer said."Has that silly man really shot himself?"
He ran behind the wall anxiously,but Peter was all right."Im sorry,sir," he said,"but I missed again."
彼得十八岁那年参了军,他需要参加几个月的学习以成为一名好士兵.彼得在其他方面都做得很好,但是射击不行.一天他和伙伴们练习射击,除了彼得其他人都没有问题.他射了九次,一次也没有命中目标.这时,教新兵射击的教官说：“彼得,你看来是没希望了,不要连最后一发子弹都浪费掉!去那堵墙后面用它向自己打一枪吧.”
彼得感到非常惭愧.他走到那堵墙后面.几分钟后,教官和新兵们听到一声枪响.
“上帝!”教官叫起来,“难道那个笨蛋真的.朝自己开枪了?”
他急忙跑到那堵墙后面,发现彼得安然无恙.“对不起,长官,”他说,“我还是没有命中.”
简单的英语幽默笑话 10
An old lady who was very deaf and who thought everything too dear, went into a shop and asked the shopman: "How much this stuff?"
一位耳聋并且总是嫌东西太贵的老太太走进一家商店。 她问店员：“这东西要多少钱？”
"Seven dollars, Madam, it is very cheap." The lady said, "It is too much, give it to me for fourteen." "I did not say seventeen dollars, but seven."
“七美元，太太，这是很便宜的'。” 老太太说：“太贵了，十四美元差不多。” 店员忙说：“我没说十七美元，是七美元。”
"It is still too much," replied the old lady, "give it to me for five."
“还是太贵，”老太太说：“五美元，我就买啦。”
简单的英语幽默笑话 11
One day, John was back home after work. He found that his wife was shaking their daughter who was only half a year old. She said "Da-Dy" to the baby many times. John felt very happy because he thought his wife chose the word "Dady" to teach their baby.
During one night several weeks later, John and his wife were waken up by the cry "Dady". His wife said to him, "Darling, she is calling you." Then she turned to sleep.
一天下班回家，约翰发现妻子在摇半岁的女儿，嘴里反复念道：“爸-爸。”约翰心里感到美滋滋的`，他的妻子选择了“爸爸”这个词首先教孩子。
几周后的一天夜里，约翰和妻子被一阵哭声惊醒了，“爸-爸!”“她在叫你，亲爱的。”妻子说，然后翻身竟自睡了。
简单的英语幽默笑话 12
A very rich lawyer is approached by the United Way. The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000.00 last year but didnt donate even a cent to a charity.
"First of all", says the lawyer, "my mother is sick and dying in the hospital, and its not covered by healthcare. Second, I had five kids through three divorced marriages. Third, my sisters husband suddenly died and she has no one to support her four children..."
"Im terribly sorry", says the United Way man, "I feel bad about asking for money."
The Lawyer responds, "Yeah, well if Im not giving them any money, why should I give you any?"
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