英语小笑话
英语小笑话1
two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。
"look," said the elder brother. "how nice these paintings are!"
“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀!”
"yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. where is the father?"
“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢?”
the elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "obviously he was painting the pictures."
哥哥想了一会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”
英语小笑话2
Story19 Smart Robot Look, this robot carries boxes to build blocks! The new smart robot, Sorry, is 60 centimeters high. It weighs 7.5 kilogram. It has a camera “eye” on its head. It can recognize colors and human faces.
英语小笑话3
"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."
The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"
The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"
"法官先生，我的当事人被指控偷窃，这是多么不公正啊。他一周前才来到纽约，几乎不认路。而且，他只会说几个英语单词。"
法官看了看被告，问道："你会说多少英文？"
被告抬起头，说："把你的钱包给我！"
英语小笑话4
律师、宝马和胳膊
A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.
"Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!", he whined.
"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"
一个律师打开他的宝马车门，突然一辆汽车驶过来把门撞飞了，警察赶到现场，律师正痛苦地抱怨毁坏了他心爱的宝马。
“警察同志，看看他们把我的车弄的!!!”律师哀怨地说。
“你们律师真是物质至上，我很不舒服!”警察反驳说，“你这么关心你可恶的宝马，你可能没有注意到你的左胳膊也没了。”
律师终于注意到了血淋淋的左肩膀，“天哪，我的劳力士手表在哪儿?”
狗住旅店
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."
一个人给一家他计划在假期里停留的小旅馆写了封信，“我非常希望带着我的狗，它很干净很有教养，你能允许它和我睡一间屋子吗?”
旅馆主人立即回了封信，“我经营旅馆很多年了，狗从没偷过毛巾，床单， 餐具，或者墙上的画。我也从没有在半夜因为狗喝醉胡闹而赶走它，狗也从不不付帐就跑掉。实际上我们非常欢迎您的`狗来我们旅馆，如果它为您担保，也欢迎您来。
睡前祷告词
Juliewas saying her bedtime prayers. "Please God," she said, "MakeNaples the capital of Italy. Make Naples the capital of Italy."
Hermother interrupted and said, "Julie, why do you want God to make Naplesthe capital of Italy?"
AndJulie replied, "Because that's what I put in my geography exam!"
朱莉叶在做睡前祷告。“祷告上帝，”她说，“让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都吧。让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都吧。”
妈妈打断她说：“朱莉叶，你为什么求上帝让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都呢？”
朱莉叶回答说：“因为我在地理考卷上是这么写的。
英语小笑话5
How to Become Rich 如何致富
Little brother: I saw you kiss my elder sister, and if you don't give me a nickel I'll tell my father.Sister's boyfriend: No, don't do that. Here's a nickel.Little brother: That makes a buck and a quarter I've made this month.
弟弟：我看见你亲我姐姐了，如果你不给我五分钱，我就告诉我爸。姐姐的男朋友：不要那样做。给你五分钱。弟弟：我这个月已经赚了一块两毛五了。
英语小笑话6
who was the first man
谁是第一个男人
a teacher said to her class：
有个老师问班上的学生：
“who was the first man?”
“谁是第一个男人?”
“george washington，”a little boy shouted promptly.
“乔治·华盛顿，”一个小男孩当即叫道。
“how do you make out that george washington was the first man?”asked the teacher，smiling indulgently.
“你怎么知道乔治·华盛顿是第一个男人呢?”老师问道，宽容地微笑着。
“because，”said the little boy，“he was first in war，first in peace，and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”
小男孩说：“因为他是战时第一，和时第一，国人心中第一。”
but at this point a larger boy held up his hand.
英语小笑话7
Dad: Tom, please tell me, which month has 28 days?
Tom: Every month.
爸爸：告诉我汤姆，哪个月有28天呢？
汤姆：每个月都有啊！
英语小笑话8
On a trip to Disney World
in Florida, my husband and I and our two children devoted ourselves wholeheartedly to the wonders of this attraction. After three exhausting days, we headed for home.
As we drove away, our son waved and said, "Goodbye, Mickey."
Our daughter waved and said, "Goodbye, Minnie."
My husband waved, rather weakly, and said, "Goodbye, Money."
迪斯尼之旅 弗罗里达州的`迪斯尼乐园是一个迷人的地方。一次我和丈夫以及两个孩子前往旅游，我们全身心地沉醉在它的各种奇观之中。精疲力竭地玩了三天之后，我们要回家了。
当我们驱车离开时，儿子挥手说：“再见，美奇。”
女儿挥着手说，“再见，美妮。”
丈夫也有气无力地挥了挥手，说道：“再见，美元。”
英语小笑话9
While on a trip, Mom realized that she had forgotten a present for Dad's birthday.
旅途中，妈妈想起她忘记给爸爸买一件生日礼物。
"That's okay," he said, "The only thing I want is for you to love, honor and obey."
“没关系”，他说，“我最想要的东西是你的爱、忠贞和温顺”。
Mom pondered that idea and then replied "I'd rather buy you a gift."
妈妈沉思片刻后回答说，“我宁愿给你买一件礼物”。
英语小笑话10
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from him before he is able to stop the monkey.
The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies the piano player. The man walks over to the piano player and says "Do you know your monkey stole my beer."
The pianist replies "No, but if you hum it, I'll play it."
一男子去酒吧，点了一杯啤酒。他喝了一口放下。当他环视酒吧时，发现一只猴子荡下来，在他阻止之前，偷走了啤酒。
该男子问酒吧招待，这只猴子是谁的。服务员回答说是钢琴手的。男子走到钢琴手面前问：“你知道你的'猴子偷了我的啤酒吗?”
钢琴手回答说：“没有，但是如果你能哼唱，我会为你演奏的。”
英语小笑话11
I do not know the reason why some people want to get up late. They will never have the opportunity to enjoy (of enjoying) the fresh air and calmness of the morning.
This is indeed a quite regrettable thing.To rise early is a good habit (which) we should cultivate. Why? Because the best time when we can pursue our studies is in the morning. In addition, early rising is also good to our health. I hope that everybody our knows the reason why we must rise early.我不知道某些人要晚起的理由。他们永不会有机会来享受早晨的新鲜空气和宁静。
这真是一件 发令人遗憾的事情。早起是我们应该养成的'一种良好习惯。为什么？因为早晨是我们从事学业的大好时间。再者，早起对我们健康也有益处。我希望每个人应该知道我们必须早起的理由。
英语小笑话12
A few months after Tom and I were married一during World War II, he was shipped off to Pearl Harbor. In one of his first letters，he wrote，"I'm going to have a Navy battle-ship tattooed on my chest.”
Instead of pleading, I answered simply,“Send me a pitcture of your tattoo，and I'll have a duplicate put on my chest. "
We have been married for 51 years. Neither of us has a tattoo.
英语小笑话13
Seth Smith was reckoned the laziest man in town． Sotired had the authoritiesbecome of contributing to his supportthat they decided to consign him to a living tomb．
Accordingly he was prepared for burial． The hearse was an old ramshacklecountry wagon． As the strange cortege moved along some old residentasked，“Who is it？” “Why，Seth Smith， who is too lazy to get anything to liveon， so we are going to bury him alive．” “I'll give him a bushel of corn，” said one．“And I will，”said another． Slowly raising his head， Seth asked：“Is the corn shelled，neighbor？” “No，you must do that yourself．” Gently replacing his head， he said：“ Drive on， boys，drive on．”
塞思·史密斯被公认为镇上头号懒人。长官们实在懒得再供养他，便决定把他送进一个天然坟墓里去。
于是他被准备着去埋葬，灵车是一辆摇摇晃晃的乡下旧马车。正当这列奇怪的送葬队伍在行进时，一些老街坊问道：“这是谁啊？”“唉，塞思·史密斯，他懒得没法活了，我们这就去把他活埋。”“我来给他一蒲式耳谷子吧，”一个人说。“我也给，”另一个说。 塞思慢慢抬起头来问道：“谷子脱粒了吗，街坊？” “没有，你得自己来。”他缓缓把头放回原处说：“接着走吧，孩子们，接着走吧。”
英语小笑话14
余音
About to be shipped out on a long tour of duty over-seas，I had called my wife from a coin-operated telephone at an Army camp on the West Coast. As I walked away，the phone rang，and I answered it，expecting to be told of extra charges. "I thought you'd like to know,"the operator said,"that just after you hung up，the woman said,'I love you. "
即将因工作远征出海，我就在西海岸军营地用一个投币电话给我的妻子拨了个电话。我刚要离开，电话铃响了。我估计是让我交超时费，所以只好去接。接话员说:“我想你可能想知道，你刚挂断电话，那个女的就说‘我爱你’。”
英语小笑话15
Uncle Frank, at 79, was a healthy and wealthy man, a lifelong bachelor. He courted a lot, he said, but "never boiled over-just simmered." On a whim, he decided to take a trip around the country to look up nearly a dozen old girlfriends.
Upon his return he exclaimed, "Whew! Thank goodness I never married any of those women - They're all widows now!
弗兰克叔叔七十八岁了，富有而健康。他是个终生单身汉。他曾追求过很多女孩，但“从不过热----见好就收”。一天他突发奇想，决定四处走走，去看看他那些接近一打的旧时女友。
他回来即叹道：“嘘！谢天谢地幸亏我没娶那些女人中的任何一个。如今她们都成寡妇了！”
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