英语小笑话集锦15篇
英语小笑话1
When my printer's type began to go faint, I called a repair shop where a friendly man told me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned.
Because the shop charged 50 pounds for such cleanings, he told me, it would be better for me to read the printer's directions and try the job myself.
Pleasantly surprised by his words, I asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"
"Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to repair things themselves first."
由于我的打印机不能打印出清晰的字来，我就打电话给维修部。电话是一位非常和蔼的男人接的，他说我的.打印机也许只是需要清理一下。
他还说，如果让维修部清理的话要交50英镑的清理费，让我最好看看使用手册自己试着清理。
当时我真的被他的话感动了，就问他：“你们老板知道你这样拒绝生意么？”
“事实上，这就是我们老板的主意，”雇员答道：“因为如果我们让用户先自行修理打印机的话就能挣更多的钱。”
英语小笑话2
My husband was showing a box of his baby things，which had been saved for him by his mother to our five-year-old son. He took out a pair of bronzed baby shoes
mounted with an ashtray between them.”Oh, look,Chris,"he said. "These are Daddy's first walking shoes.“
一次，我丈夫拿出一个盒子给我们五岁的儿子看。这个盒子是由他母亲替他收藏的'他儿时的用品盒。我丈夫从盒子里取出一双中间还夹有烟缸的古铜色的童鞋说:“噢，克瑞斯，你看，这就是爸爸学走步时穿的鞋。”
Chris stared in amazement. "Daddy,"he said，”I don't see how you ever learned to walk with that ashtray stuck between your feet.”
克瑞斯吃惊地望着那双鞋，“爸爸，”他说:“我怎么就不知道你还学过两脚夹烟灰缸走路呢。”
英语小笑话3
excuse for speeding
赶紧到达那里
harry and lloyd were speeding down the road. a police car pulled them over.
哈里与劳埃德超速行驶，一辆警车拦住了他们。
"why on earth were you driving so fast?" the policeman yelled.
“你们为什么开那么快?”警官喊道。
"our brakes are no good, so we wanted to get there before we had an accident!
“我们的刹车不好，因此我们想在发生事故前赶紧到达目的地。”
英语小笑话4
What are the Two Words?
A very nice old lady had a few words to say to her granddaughter. My dear, said the old lady, I wish you would do something for me. I wish you would promise me never to use two words. One is ‘lousy’ and the other is ‘swell’. Would you promise me that?
Why, sure, Granny, said the girl. What are the two words?
是哪两个词？
一个非常和蔼的老夫人有几句话要对她的孙女说。我亲爱的，老夫人说，我希望你能帮我一个忙。我要你答应永远不要用两个词，一个是“讨厌的'”，另一个是“极好的”。你能答应我吗？
噢，当然，奶奶。女孩说：是哪两个词？
英语小笑话5
Story 18 Who Pours Ink on My Chair? Donny is a seven year old boy. He goes to school every day. The school is near his home. So he goes there on foot and comes back home on time. But today, he is late. His mother asks him, “Why do you go to the headmaster’s office?” “Because the teacher asks us a question in class and nobody can answer it, but I can.” “It’s good to answer the teacher’s question.” “But the question is ‘Who pours ink on my chair?’”
英语小笑话6
While the doctor was looking over the man, his wife kept fussing(烦躁，发牢骚) andjabbering(快而含糊地说) all the time. The doctor told her: "Your husband must get absolute rest and quiet." Then he left some sleeping pills.
The man's wife asked, "When do I dive them to my husband?" The doctor replied, "No, they are not for him. They are for you. You need them."
有个人生病了。他的妻子请了一位医生来给他治病。
医生在给他治疗的时候，他的妻子一直大惊小怪，神神叨叨地紧张不安。医生对她说：“你的`丈夫必须绝对休息和保持安静。” 然后他就留下了一些。
她问医生：“什么时候给我丈夫吃这些药呀!”医生回答说：“不用，这些药不是给他吃的，是给你吃的，你需要。”
英语小笑话7
One day a man came home from work to find total chaos in the house. The kids were laying outside in the mud, still in their pajamas.
When he opened the door, he found an even bigger mess: dishes on the counter, dog food spilled on the floor, a broken glass under the table and a pile of sand by the back door. The family room was strewn with toys, and a lamp had been knocked over.
He headed up the stairs, stepping over toys, to look for his wife. He was becoming worried that she might be ill or that something terrible had happened to her.
He found her in the bedroom still in bed with her pajamas on, reading a magazine.
She looked up at him, smiled and asked how his day had gone.
He looked at her, bewildered(困惑的), and asked, "What happened here today?"
She again smiled and answered, "You know, every day, you come home from work and ask me what I did today."
"Yes," was his reply.
She answered, "Well, today, I didn't do it!"
一天，一个人下班回到家，发现屋子外面一片狼籍。孩子们还穿着睡衣，满身是泥地躺在外面。
打开房门，他发现屋子里面更乱。橱柜上堆着盘子，地上散落着狗食，桌子下面有一只打碎的玻璃杯，后门旁还有一堆沙子。家庭娱乐室里堆满了玩具，还有一盏灯翻倒在地上。
他迈过散落在楼梯上的.玩具，上楼去找他的妻子。他开始担心她生病了或是发生了什么可怕的事情。
他发现她还穿着睡衣躺在床上，在看一本杂志。
她抬头看到他，笑着问他今天过得怎么样。
他看着她，困惑地问：“今天发生什么事情了?”
她笑着问道：“你每天下班回家都会问我今天做什么了。”
“没错啊，”他说。
她说：“是这样的，今天，我没做什么!”
英语小笑话8
Young hopeful：“Father，what is a traitor in politics？” Father（a veteran politician）：“A traitor is a man who leaves our party and goes over to the other one．”
Young hopeful：“Well then，what is a man who leaves his party and comes over to yours？” Father：“A convert，my son．”
有希望的青年人：“父亲，什么叫政治叛徒？” 父亲（一位老资格的政治家）：“叛徒指的.是离开我们党而加入到另一个党的人。” 有希望的青年人：“那么，离开他的党而加入到我们党的人又叫什么呢？” 父亲：“叫改变信仰者。我的儿子。”
英语小笑话9
"Tom, what's the matter with your brother?" asked the mother in the kitchen. "He's crying."
"Oh, nothing, Mum," replied Tom. "I'm eating my cake. He is crying because I won't give him any."
"But has he finished his own cake?"
"Yes." said Tom. "And he also cried when I was helping him finish that."
"汤姆，你弟弟怎么了？" 妈妈在厨房里问。"他在哭。"
"没事儿，妈妈，" 汤姆答道。"我在吃我的蛋糕。他哭是因为我不给他吃。"
"他已经吃完自己的了么？"
"是的'。" "我帮他吃完时，他也哭了。"
英语小笑话10
Dad: Tom, please tell me, which month has 28 days?
Tom: Every month.
爸爸：告诉我汤姆，哪个月有28天呢？
汤姆：每个月都有啊！
英语小笑话11
Put your feet in把脚放进去
The school girl was sitting with her feet streched far out into the aisle ,and was busily chewing gum, when the teacher espied her. "Mary !" called the teacher sharply. "Yes,Madam?" questioned the pupil , "Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!"
一个女学生坐在座位上，嘴里起劲地嚼着口香糖，脚却伸到课桌间的走道里，被老师发现了。“玛丽!”老师严厉地叫她。“什么事，老师?”这女学生问。“把口香糖从嘴里拿出来，把脚放进去。”
英语小笑话12
GroundRules OneofmyfavoriteteachersatSoutheastMissouriStateUniversityinCapeGirardeauwasknownofhisdrollsenseofhumor.Explaininghisgroundrulestoonefreshmanclass,hesaid,"NowIknowmylecturescanoftenbedryandboring,soIdon‘tmindifyoulookatyourwatchesduringclass.Ido,however,objecttoyourpoundingthemonthedesktomakesurethey‘restillrunning."
基本原则
位于吉拉多海角的密苏里东南州立大学有一位我非常喜欢的.老师，他奇特的幽默感很是出名。在对一个新生班级讲解他的基本原则时，他说：“我知道我的讲课可能经常会枯燥乏味，了无生趣，所以如果你们在上课时看表我并不介意。不过我坚决反对你们将表在课桌上猛敲看它们是不是还在走。”
英语小笑话13
Uncle Frank, at 79, was a healthy and wealthy man, a lifelong bachelor. He courted a lot, he said, but "never boiled over-just simmered." On a whim, he decided to take a trip around the country to look up nearly a dozen old girlfriends.
Upon his return he exclaimed, "Whew! Thank goodness I never married any of those women - They're all widows now!
弗兰克叔叔七十八岁了，富有而健康。他是个终生单身汉。他曾追求过很多女孩，但“从不过热----见好就收”。一天他突发奇想，决定四处走走，去看看他那些接近一打的旧时女友。
他回来即叹道：“嘘！谢天谢地幸亏我没娶那些女人中的任何一个。如今她们都成寡妇了！”
英语小笑话14
after friends of mine landed at busy newwark airport, they were unable to attract the attention of any porters to help with their luggage. in desperation, the husband took out a five-dollar bill and waved it above the crowd.
我的朋友们在繁忙的纽瓦克机场着陆后，他们却不能招呼到脚夫来帮他们搬行李。无奈，丈夫拿出一张五美元的钞票在人群上面摇晃。
in an instant, a skycap was at his side. sir, observed the porter, you certainly have excellent communication skills.
一个带宽边帽的.人马上来到他身边。“先生，”脚夫说道，“很明显你有绝妙的交际技巧。”
英语小笑话15
1. Guest:"Bub, do you go to school?"
客人：“小家伙，你上学了吗？”
boy:"What good shall I go to school? I can't read or write?"
孩子：“我上学有什么好处？我不会读，也不会写。”
2. The librarian went over to a small, noisy boy. "Please be quiet!" she warned. "The people around you can't read!"
图书管理员走到一个喧闹的`小男孩身边，警告说：“请安静！你周围的人都不能读书了！”
"They can't?" The boy asked curiously. "Then what are they doing here?"
“不能读书？”小男孩好奇地问道。“那他们在这里干什么？”
3. betty:"Black hens are cleverer than white ones, aren't they?"
贝蒂：“黑母鸡比白母鸡聪明，对吗？”
Larry:"How do you know?"
拉里：“你怎么知道？”
Betty:"Well, the black hens can lay white eggs, but the white hens can't lay black ones."
贝蒂：“嗯，因为黑母鸡能下白蛋，可白母鸡不能下黑蛋。”
4. Bobby:"Billy broke my new doll!"
博比：“比利弄坏了我的新洋娃娃！”
Mum:"How did he do that?"
妈妈：“他是怎么弄坏的？”
Bobby:"I hit him over the head with it."
博比：“我用洋娃娃打了他的头。”
5. "I wish I'd lived in the old times."
“我要是生活在古代就好了。”
"Why?"
“为什么？”
"Because there wouldn't be so much history to learn."
“因为那就不会有这么多历史要学了。”
【英语小笑话】相关文章：
英语小笑话06-03
英语小笑话12-03
英语小笑话（必备）06-03
幽默小笑话06-10
英语小故事11-30
经典的笑话06-13
最新英语小故事03-01
有趣的英语小故事09-06
笑话03-13