英语的笑话

时间：2025-12-17 00:04:59 好文我要投稿

英语的笑话

英语的笑话1

　　1.A history teacher and his wife were sitting at a table

英语的笑话

　　一位历史老师和他的妻子在吃饭

　　the wife asked “Anything new at work”, and he replied", no, I am teaching History".

　　妻子问到：“工作上有什么新鲜事吗?”丈夫回答说：“没有，我是教历史的。”

　　2.A man was at the doctor's office. "Every time I drink a cup of coffee, Doctor, I have a stabbing pain in my right eye. What should I do?" he asked .

　　一位男子来到医生的办公室。“医生，每次我喝咖啡，我的右眼都有刺痛感。您说我该怎么办？”他问道。

　　"Take the spoon out of your cup. " answered the doctor.

　　“把勺子从咖啡杯里拿出来。”医生回答说。

　　3.To prevent our dog, Lacy, from pestering visitors to our house, my mother often massaged her as she lounged beneath the kitchen table, her favorite resting spot. One day a contractor came over to talk about a home-improvement project.

　　为避免我们的`狗，莱希，纠缠来访的客人，我母亲常在爱犬喜欢呆的地方，即餐桌下面，摩昵它。一天，一个建筑商来谈居室装潢工程。

　　As he and my mother sat across the table discussing the renovations, my mother slipped off her shoes and mindlessly soothed Lacy with her feet.

　　在这人和我母亲坐在餐桌边谈居室的修茸时，我母亲滑脱了她的鞋子，开始不经意地用脚摩蹭起莱希来。

　　My mother had been talking for about a half-hour when to her great embarrassment she heard Lacy bark outside the front door.

　　谈话进行了半个小时的时候，我母亲突然感到很不好意思起来，因为这时她听到了莱希在前门外的犬吠声。

　　4.A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park one morning.

　　一天早晨，一位黑人女人和一位金发女郎正走在公园里。

　　Suddenly, the brunette notices a dead bird

　　. 突然，黑人女人发现了一只死去的小鸟。

　　"Awww, look at the dead birdie," she says sadly.

　　“哦!看这只死去的小鸟。”她悲伤地说。

　　The blonde stops, looks up into the sky, and says, "Where? Where?"

　　金发女郎停下了脚步，她抬头望着天空，问道：“哪，在那?”

　　5.The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours. then he started again, and said he:"Let me ask the evolutionist a question --- if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?"教进化论的老师已经滔滔不绝地讲了快两个小时，他的话题又来了：“让我向进化论者提个问题——如果我们曾经像狒狒那样长着尾巴，那么现在尾巴到哪里去了?”

　　"I'll venture an answer, " said an old lady. "We have worn them off sitting here so long.".

　　“我来试试看，”一位老太太说。“该是我们在这里坐这么久把它们磨掉了吧。”

　　6. A husband and wife,both 91,stood before a judge,asking for a divorce."I don't understand,"He said,"Why do you want a divorce at this time of life?"the husband explained "Well , you see,We wanted to wait until the children died."

　　有一个丈夫和妻子都是91岁，他们站在法官面前，要求离婚。“我不明白，”法官说，“你们为什么到了这把年纪还要离婚?”丈夫解释道：“嗯，你是知道的，我们以前是哟等到孩子们都死了。”

　　7."Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied."Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you.

　　“你相信人能死后重生吗?”老板问他的一个员工。 “我相信，先生”。这位刚上班不久的员工回答。 “哦，那还好”。老板接着说。 “你昨天提早下班去参加你祖母的葬礼后，她老人家到这儿看你来了。”

　　8.Little brother: I saw you kiss my elder sister, and if you don't give me a nickel I'll tell my father.弟弟：我看见你亲我姐姐了，如果你不给我五分钱，我就告诉我爸。

　　Sister's boyfriend: No, don't do that. Here's a nickel.姐姐的男朋友：不要那样做。给你五分钱。

　　Little brother: That makes a buck and a quarter I've made this month.弟弟：我这个月已经赚了一块两毛五了。

　　9.s a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner. "Yep, that's him," came the reply. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!"

　　一名陌生人走进一家乡间小商店，看到玻璃门上帖着的一个告示牌上写着，“危险! 小心有狗!” 进去后，他看到一条样子一点都不凶的老狗趴在收款机旁边的地板上睡觉。 “这就是大伙都得留神的那只狗啊?” 陌生人问店主。“是，就是他”，店主回答。听到这个回答，陌生人觉得很好笑。“我觉得那条狗一点都不可怕。你帖那个告示做什么?” “因为，” 店主解释说，“在我帖告示之前，大伙老被他绊倒。”

　　10.Younger Scout: How can I tell the difference between a mushroom and a toadstool?

　　年少的童子军：我怎样才能把蘑菇和毒蕈区别开呢?

　　Older Scout: Just eat one before you go to bed. If you wake up the next morning, it was a mushroom.

　　年长的童子军：上床前吃一个。如果你第二天早上醒来，那就是蘑菇。

英语的笑话2

　　One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition

　　if I Am a Manager

　　One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition – if I Am a Manager.

　　All the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reason.

　　“I am waiting for my secretary,” was the boy’s answer.

英语的笑话3

　　Two fishermen were out on the lake when one of them dropped his wallet. As they watched the wallet float down to the depths of the lake, a carp came along and snatched up the wallet. Soon came another carp who stole it away and then a third joined in. Remarked one of the fisherman, "That's the first time I've ever seen carp-to-carp walleting."

英语的笑话4

　　While the doctor was looking over the man, his wife kept fussing(烦躁，发牢骚) andjabbering(快而含糊地说) all the time. The doctor told her: "Your husband must get absolute rest and quiet." Then he left some sleeping pills.

　　The man's wife asked, "When do I dive them to my husband?" The doctor replied, "No, they are not for him. They are for you. You need them."

　　有个人生病了。他的妻子请了一位医生来给他治病。

　　医生在给他治疗的时候，他的'妻子一直大惊小怪，神神叨叨地紧张不安。医生对她说：“你的丈夫必须绝对休息和保持安静。” 然后他就留下了一些。

　　她问医生：“什么时候给我丈夫吃这些药呀!”医生回答说：“不用，这些药不是给他吃的，是给你吃的，你需要。”

英语的笑话5

　　1、 "A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goats' milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. These, she explained, were the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produced. She then asked, "What do you do with your older goats in America?" A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours!"

　　一群美国人乘长途汽车在荷兰旅游。他们在一个奶酪场停下来。一位年轻的导游带他们参观了奶酪制作的全过程，解释说用的是羊奶。她指给这群人一个美丽的山坡，山坡上许多羊在吃草。对这些，她解释说，是放逐草地的老羊，它们已不能再产奶。她然后问道：“在美国你们怎样处理老羊呢？” 一位活泼的老绅士回答说：“他们让我们乘车旅行！”"

　　2、 Ask Your OwnIt was a cold，raw day at Washington．Champ Clark was discussing the gamins of the cities with an English visitor．The latter expatiated on the wit of the London type of the genius．Clark declared that if the Englishman were to ask any Washington street urchin any question，the urchin would make anaptreply．They sallied forth． “What time is it，Bub？They tell me you can tell time by your nose，”said the visitor to the first newsboy they met． “Ask your own，mister，mine ain't run nin’，”was the reply．

　　这是华盛顿的一个阴冷天。钱普·克拉克正和一个来访的英国人讨论城市的'流浪儿，英国人详细地叙述着伦敦式天才的机智。克拉克宣称，要是对方向华盛顿街上任何一个儿童提任何问题，那孩子都会对答如流。他们便出发了。 “什么时候了，小兄弟？人们说你能用鼻子报时。” 回答是：“先生，问问你自己的吧，的不在走呢。”

　　3、 "The school of agriculture's dean of admissions was interviewing a prospective student. "Why have you chosen this career?" he asked."I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father," the student replied."Your father made a million dollars in farming?" echoed the impressed dean."No," replied the applicant. "But he always dreamed of it.

　　农校的招生办主任在面试一个上线的学生，“你为何要选择这个职业？”他问。 “我梦想以经营农场来赚一百万元，就像我父亲一样。”这个学生回答说。 “你父亲经营农场赚了一百万元？”主任惊诧地问道。“没有，”这位申请人回答道，“他总是梦想着赚到这个数目。”

　　4、 "Uncle Frank, at 79, was a healthy and wealthy man, a lifelong bachelor. He courted a lot, he said, but "never boiled over-just simmered." On a whim, he decided to take a trip around the country to look up nearly a dozen old girlfriends. Upon his return he exclaimed, "Whew! Thank goodness I never married any of those women - They're all widows now!

　　弗兰克叔叔七十八岁了，富有而健康。他是个终生单身汉。他曾追求过很多女孩，但“从不过热----见好就收”。一天他突发奇想，决定四处走走，去看看他那些接近一打的旧时女友。他回来即叹道：“嘘！谢天谢地幸亏我没娶那些女人中的任何一个。如今她们都成寡妇了！”

　　5、 "A boy cried to his mother, "All the children make fun of me. They say I have a big head." "Don't listen to them," his mother said, "You have a beautiful head. Now stop crying and go to the store to buy twenty pounds of patotoes.""Where is the shopping bag?" "I haven't got one-use your hat."

　　一个小男孩向他母亲哭诉道：“他们都取笑我，说我脑袋大。” “别听他们的，”他母亲安慰道，“你有一个很漂亮的脑袋。好啦，别哭了，去商店买十斤土豆来。” “购物袋在哪儿？” “没购物袋了----就用你的帽子吧。”

　　6、 "Hurrying my 11-year old daughter to school, I made a right turn at a red light when it was prohibited. Uh-oh, I said, realizing my mistake. I just make an illegal turn.I guess it's all right, my daughter replied, The police car behind us did the same thing.

　　我赶着开车将11岁的女儿送到学校去，在红灯处右拐了，而那是不允许的(译注:在一些国家如英国,其交通规则是车辆左行的,与我国相反)。啊噢，意识到犯了错误，我说。我刚才拐弯是违章的。我想那没关系的，女儿回答说：我们后面的警车也同样拐了弯。"

　　7、 "A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.The driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."

　　乘客轻拍了一下出租车司机的肩膀，想问个问题。司机大叫起来，车也失去了控制，几乎撞上一辆公车，还上了便道，在还差几厘米就撞上商店橱窗时终于停了下来。司机说：“伙计，别再这么干了。你把我吓破胆了！”乘客抱歉地说，“我没想到拍你一下就吓成这样。” 司机说：“对不起，也不全是你的错。今天是我第一天开出租，以前25年里我一直开殡葬车。”

　　8、 A burglar breaks into a house. He sees a CD player that he wants so he takes it. Then he hears a voice "JESUS is watching you". He looks around with his flashlight wandering "What The HELL Was That?". He spots some $ on a table and takes it......Once again he hears a voice " JESUS is watching you". He hides in a corner trying to find where the voice came from. He spots a birdcage with a parrot in it! He goes over and asks " Was that your voice?". It said "YES". He then says "What's your name?". It says "MOSES". The burglar says " What kind of person names his bird moses??" The parrot replys "THE SAME PERSON THAT NAMES HIS Rottweiler "JESUS".

　　一个窃贼潜入一户人家。他看到一个喜欢的CD机，他赶紧拿了。就在这个时候他听到有人说：“耶稣正在看着你。”他照着手电看来看去，嘀咕着：“到底是什么人在说话？”这时，他看到桌子上有些钱，他又拿了。。。那声音又来了：“耶稣正在看着你。”他躲到一个角落，想找出是谁在说话。结果看到一只鹦鹉，于是他问鹦鹉：“是你在说话吗？”鹦鹉承认了。小贼说：“你叫什么名字？”“摩西”。小贼说：“什么人给鸟取这种名字？”鹦鹉回答：“就是那个给他的罗威那犬取名为‘耶稣’的那个人啊。”

　　9、 "The girl found the go-between and said, "You cheated me ! One of his eyes is not true. Why didn't you tell me this before ?" "I have told you. " said the go-between with justice on his side, When you met first, I told you that he settled on you with one eye.

　　姑娘找到媒人，说：“你欺骗了我。他的一只眼是假眼，你以前为什么不告诉我？” “怎么没告诉你？”媒人也不甘示弱，“你们第一回见面后，我就说，他一眼就看中你了。”

　　10、 "Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents'. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the younger one began praying at the top of his lungs. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE... I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO... I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."His older brother nudged him and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."To which the younger one replied, "No, but Grandma is!"

　　两个小男孩在他们的祖父母家过夜。睡觉时间到了，这两个小男孩跪在床上祈祷。弟弟用非常大的声音祈祷着，“我祈求有一辆新自行车……我祈求有一个新游戏机……我祈求有一个新录像机……”他的哥哥用胳膊肘轻轻地碰了他一下，说：“你为什么这么大声地喊叫呢？上帝又不是聋子。”弟弟听了回答道：“上帝是不聋，可奶奶聋呀！”

英语的笑话6

　　A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from him before he is able to stop the monkey.一男子去酒吧，点了一杯啤酒。他喝了一口放下。当他环视酒吧时，发现一只猴子荡下来，在他阻止之前，偷走了啤酒。

　　The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies the piano player. The man walks over to the piano player and says "Do you know your monkey stole my beer." The pianist replies "No, but if you hum it, I'll play it."

　　该男子问酒吧招待，这只猴子是谁的。服务员回答说是钢琴手的。男子走到钢琴手面前问：“你知道你的猴子偷了我的`啤酒吗?”钢琴手回答说：“没有，但是如果你能哼唱，我会为你演奏的。”

英语的笑话7

　　What do sheep say to each other at Christmastime?

　　绵羊在圣诞节会对其它同伴说什么?

　　Merry Christmas to ewe(发音同you)!

　　母羊圣诞节快乐。(祝你圣诞节快乐)

　　What's the best thing to put into Christmas dinner?

　　把什么放进圣诞大餐上最好。

　　Your teeth!

　　你的牙齿。

　　Why should Christmas dinner always be well done?

　　为什么圣诞节都要吃大餐?

　　So you can say "Merry Crispness"!

　　因为你就可以说“吃得快乐”

　　Knock Knock.

　　咚咚咚。

　　Who's there?

　　谁呀

　　Mary.

　　玛丽

　　Mary who?

　　哪个Mary?

　　Mary Christmas!

　　Mary Christmas(圣诞节快乐)

　　A definition of Christmas:

　　圣诞节的定义：

　　The time when everyone gets "Santa"-mental.

　　人人都为圣诞老人疯狂。

　　What did one Christmas cracker say to the other Christmas cracker?

　　一个圣诞节爆竹会对另一个圣诞节爆竹说什么?

　　My POP is bigger than yours!

　　我的爆炸声比你的'爆炸声大

　　What do you call an elf who steals gift wrap from the rich and gives it to the poor?

　　你把从富人家偷来礼物送给穷人家的精灵叫什么?

　　Ribbon Hood!(Robin Hood)

　　What comes at the end of Christmas Day?

　　圣诞节Christmas Day最后的是什么?

　　The letter "Y"!

　　字母Y

　　What do angry mice send to each other in December?

　　生气的老鼠在12月给每个人送什么?

　　Cross mouse cards! 穿过老鼠卡(Christmas Card圣诞贺卡)

　　What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?

　　亚当在圣诞节前一晚说什么?

　　It's Christmas, Eve!

　　Eve，是圣诞节了。(It's Christmas Eve 平安夜)

　　"Do you ever buy any Christmas Seals?"

　　你会买圣诞节期间使用的纪念邮票吗?(你会买Christmas 海豹吗?)

　　"No, I wouldn't know how to feed them."

　　不会，我不知道怎么养它们。

　　What is the best key to get at Christmas?

　　圣诞节最好的key是什么?

　　A turkey!

　　turkey(伙计)

　　What's the best thing to give your parents for Christmas?

　　圣诞节给父母送什么最好?

　　A list of everything you want!

　　你最想要的礼物清单。(免得爸妈还要绞尽脑汁的想送什么给我)

　　What do wild animals sing at Christmastime?

　　圣诞节野生动物都唱什么?

　　Jungle bells, jungle bells, jungle all the way!

　　(丛林响叮当，丛林响叮当，到处都是丛林)

　　What's the favourite Christmas Carol of new parents?

　　刚当上爸妈的人圣诞节最喜欢唱什么歌?

　　Silent Night!

　　安静的夜。(今晚孩子不要哭)

　　Where do mistletoe go to become famous?

　　槲寄生在哪儿出名的?

　　"Holly" wood!

　　好莱坞。(神圣的森林)

　　What did one Christmas light say to the other Christmas light?

　　圣诞蜡烛会对其它同伴说什么?

　　You light me up!(歌曲)

　　你照亮了我。

英语的笑话8

　　英语幽默笑话和上帝对话

　　A man goes to church and starts talking to God.

　　一男子进入教堂和上帝对话。

　　He says: "God,what is a million dollars to you?"and God says: "A penny,then the man says: "God,what is a million years to you?”and God says: ¨a second", then the man says: “God,can I have a penny ?"and God says:"In a second."

　　他问：“主啊，一百万美元对你意味着多少?”上帝回答：¨一便士。” 男子又问：“那一百万年呢，?”上帝说：“一秒钟。”最后男子请求道：”上帝，我能得到一便士吗?“上帝回答：“过一秒钟。”

　　单词&词组

　　retirement ，退职，退休

　　mower 割草机

　　fake 假货，欺骗

　　gossip 闲话，闲谈

　　contented 满足的，心安的

　　interfore 诚干涉，干预

　　apply for 请求，申请

　　fumiture 家具，设备

　　atom bomb 原子弹

　　知道不知道

　　都说全世界属中国人的思维最复杂，说话曲里拐弯的，没想到老外也有这样的。据说中国人重直觉( intuition)，英美人重实证( evidence)，中国人重形象思维(figurative thinking)，英美人重逻辑思维( logical thinking)。

　　Ari adult decision

　　成年人的抉择

　　The year before my son turned 18, he constantly pleaded to be allowed to a have tattoo, but I refused to sign permission for one.He argued that soon he would be a man and he should be able to make adult decisions. Sure enough,a few days after his 18th birthday,he come home with a tattoo. Although l was not happy about this, I was curious to see what symbol of masculin', he had chosen. There, on his shoulder,was a two inch image of Mickey Mouse.

　　我儿子十八岁前的那一年，常常向我提出准许他文身。但我拒绝允许他这么做。他争辩说他不久就要成为男子汉了，并说他应该能够做出成年人的抉择了。果然，十八岁生日的几天后，他文了身，回到家里。尽管我对此感到不高兴，但出于好奇，我想看看他选择了什么雄性象征物。原来他在肩上文了一个两英寸长的米老鼠像。

　　英语幽默笑话可以借用一下吗

　　Are you using your mower this afternoon?

　　今天下午你准备用割草机吗?

　　Mr. Johnson:Are you using your mower this afternoon?

　　约翰逊先生：今天下午你准备用割草机吗?

　　Mr. Smith.Yes.

　　史密斯先生：是的。

　　Mr. Johnson: Fine. Then can I borrow your tennis racket, since you won't be needing it ?

　　约翰逊先生：太好了。既然您不用网球拍，那我可以借用一下吗?

　　英语幽默笑话卷烟厂都失火

　　Mary was so disgusted at her husband's cigarette smoking that she complained to him one day.‘I hope that all the cigarette factories will catch fire someday .’‘Don't worry ,dear. All the cigarettes will be on fire sooner or later .’He said with a smile.

　　玛丽非常讨厌丈夫吸烟，一天她对丈夫抱怨说：“我希望有一天所有卷烟厂都失火。”“不用担心，亲爱的，所有的烟卷迟早都会点着的。”他笑着说

　　英语幽默笑话妈妈不见了

　　A little girl was lost, so she went up to a policeman and said, "l've lost my moml" The cop said,"What's she like?" The little girl replied,"Shopping and gossiping!”

　　有一个小女孩走丢了，于是她走到一个警察跟前说：“我妈妈不见了!”这个警察说：“她什么样子?”小女孩回答：“买东西和说闲话!”

　　英语幽默笑话 Get the kid

　　让小的`干吧

　　A bit of advice for those about to retire. lf you are only 65,never move to ansrUrement community. Everybody else is in their 71s, 80s,or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded,they yell,"Get the kid.

　　这里想对将要退休的人提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话，千万别进退休社区。因为那里的人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们会喊，“让小的干吧。

英语的笑话9

　　Some businessmen were talking about advertising on tv excitedly. As none of them had ever done it before, every one had his point of view。

　　At this moment, Mr. Grey came by. grey was a car dealer and he had once made an advertisement。

　　"What are you talking about?" Mr. Grey asked。

　　"Does advertisement work or not?" one of the businessmen asked。

　　"Oh, yes, it works very fast," Mr. Grey said. " I once advertised for my watch-dog and offered a reward of $100."

　　"Did you get the dog back?"

　　"No, but that very night three of my cars were stolen."

　　一群商人正热烈地讨论在电视上做广告。他们中没有人做过，所以每个人都有自己的想法。

　　此时，格雷先生进来了。格雷是一个汽车经销商，他曾经做过一次广告。

　　“你们在讨论什么?”格雷先生问。

　　“广告有用不?”其中一位商人问。

　　“噢，有用，而且见效非常快。”格雷先生说，“我曾经发布了一条广告，要花100美金寻找一条丢失的`看门狗。”

　　“你的狗找到了吗?”

　　“没，但是那个晚上我的三辆车被偷走了。”

英语的笑话10

　　幽默的英语笑话【一】

　　teacher: here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. now who can tell us which is which?

　　student: i cannot point out but i know the answer.

　　teacher: please tell us.

　　student: the swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

　　幽默的英语笑话【二】

　　"can you tell me what fish net is made, ann?"

　　"a lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

　　幽默的'英语笑话【三】

　　Jerry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!" Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." How much do you charge?" A hundred dollars per visit." I'll sleep on it," said Jerry. Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for $10." "Is that so! How?" He told me to cut the legs off the bed!" Ain't nobody under there now!

　　幽默的英语笑话【四】

　　One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

　　幽默的英语笑话【五】

　　I was accompanying my husband on a business trip. He carried his portable computer with him, and the guard at the airport gate asked him to open the case. It was locked, and the man waited patiently as my embarrassed spouse struggled to remember the combination. At last he succeeded.

　　“Why are you so nervous?"I asked him.

　　"The numbers are the date of our annivorsary．my husband confessed.

　　幽默的英语笑话【六】

　　One moming a colleague said，"I need to leave early tomorrow That aftemoon he followed up with, "Looks like l'll be coming in late tomorrow,but if my coming in late runs into myIeaving early,then I won't be in at all."

　　幽默的英语笑话【七】

　　The Great Lakes Laboratoryemployed a licensed boat captain for its research vessel.It was common knowledge that the captain couldn't swim. When newcomers learned of this,they would often aproach him about jt,"ls it true ？ You,a boat captain, can't swim ? ""No,I can't!"he replied. "Can pilots fly?"

　　幽默的英语笑话【八】

　　A mother saw her three-year-old son put nickel in his mouth and swallowed it. She immediately picked hime up, turned him upside down and hit him on the back, whereupon he coughed up two dimes. Frantically, she called to the father outside. "Your son just swallowed a nickel and coughed up two dimes!What shall I do? "Yelled back the father,"Keep feeding him nickels!"

　　幽默的英语笑话【九】

　　A patron in Montreal cafe turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded. "This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked C gave me boiling water.""But, Monsieur, C stands for chaude - French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal.""Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked C.""Of course," said the manager, "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city."

　　幽默的英语笑话【十】

　　One day a man was taunting Alexandre Dumas，the greatFrench novelist，with his ancestry． “Why，” snarled the fellow，“you are a quadroon；yourfather was a mulatto，and your grandfather was a negro．” “Yes，” roared Dumas，“and，if you wish to know'mygreatgrandfather was a monkey． In fact， my pedigree beganwhere yours terminates．”

英语的笑话11

　　不必再看眼科医生了

　　It had been many years since my last eye exam,and my wife was pestering me to make an appointment. The more she nagged , the more I procrastinated. Finally，she made an appointment for me.

　　我己经很多年没做眼睛检查了。我妻子总是催我去挂个号。她越是督我，我越是耽搁不去。最后，她替我挂了个号。

　　The day before I was to see the doctor，I was in an affectionate mood. After kissing and hugging her, I told her she really looked. good to me.,

　　在我去见医生的前一天，我的情绪特别好。我对妻于又是亲又是抱，还说她是我眼里最漂亮的'女人.

　　"That does it,”she said.“I'm canceling your appointment."

　　她说:“这回眼睛没问题了，那我现在就去把号退了。”

英语的笑话12

　　送礼

　　A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sum of money was talking to his lawyer.

　　一个被告卷入了一桩牵涉大笔资金的诉讼案，他去找他的律师。

　　A:If I lose this case, I'll be ruined.

　　如果我输了这场官司，我就完了。

　　B:It's in the judge's hand now.

　　这事掌握在法官的手上。

　　A:Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?

　　如果我给法官送一箱雪茄，会不会起点作用?

　　B:Oh.no !This judge is a stickler for ethical behavior.A turu like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hald you in contempt of coun. in fact.you shouldn't even smile ai the judge.

　　哦.不会的!这位法官很固执，非常注意职业道德。这种花招只会让他对你产生偏见，他甚至会认为你蔑视法庭。事实上，你甚至都不用对他微笑。

　　With in the course of time,the judge wndered a decision in favor of the defendant.As the defendanL leR the counhouae,

　　最后，法官作了一个有利于被告的判决，当被告离开法院时。

　　A:Thanks for the tip about the cigars.It worked.

　　谢谢你关于雪茄的忠告，这很管用。

　　B:I'm sure we wodd have lost the caae if you'd sent them.

　　如果你送了的话，我肯定会输掉这场官司。

　　A:But did send them.

　　但是我的'确送了。

　　B:What? You did?!

　　什么?你送了?!

　　A:Yes.That's how we won the case.