英语的笑话精华【15篇】
英语的笑话1
所有人都不和她说话了
上中专时同年级有个班，四十多个男生一个女生，长得还蛮漂亮的.。
全体男同学开展了整整半个学期的pk，从作业到每天的早饭再到考试。
都打点周到，最后女生和外班一男生好上了，第二天上课所有人都不和她说话了。。
英语的笑话2
浅议高中英语值日报告
英语课上课一开始进行5分钟左右的值日报告（dutyreport）是英语课堂教学的一个重要环节。这种简单的英语报告尽管只占几分钟时间，但对渲染课堂气氛，调动和激发学生英语学习的积极性和创造性，及时复习巩固课堂内容起着不可低估的作用。通过多年的教学实践证明，短短的五分钟值日报告，不仅提高了学生的学习主动性，激发了学生学习兴趣和参与意识；同时培养了他们的创造性思维，加强了他们对于英语这门语言的综合运用能力。
值日报告的意义和作用
教师走下讲台，学生走上讲台。让学生感知和习得语言，在课堂内开展活动。把所学的'知识转化为活生生的交际事实，启用真实情感进行语言操练，从而把真实生活带进课堂，使语言自然融入交际背景中，使生活自然融入教学之中。课堂上的5分钟，需要课后10-20分钟，甚至更长时间的准备。做好准备是做好值日报告的前提。无论是何种形式的值日报告，学生都要对所要做的报告进行选题、选材；阅读材料、组织材料、加工整理；为最后上台汇报做好充分的准备工作。在整个准备过程中，学生分析问题和解决问题的能力逐步得到提高，与其它学生的合作能力也得到加强，实际上也是一个综合能力训练的过程和知识巩固的过程。准备充分的学生做值日报告时都会充满自信，语言流畅，能较充分地运用语言知识；一方面提高了自身的英语运用能力；另一方面，为课堂创造了一个真实的英语语境。
英语的笑话3
一切都很正常
Things Have Been Okay
一切都正常
A young couple were becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked.
一对年轻夫妇有个儿子，已经四岁了，还没有开口说话，他们对此深感焦虑。
They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him.
他们带他去找专家诊治，但医生们总觉得他没有毛病。
Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, Mom, the toast is burned.
后来有一天早上吃早餐时，那孩子突然开口了：妈妈，面包烤焦了。
You talked! You talked! Shouted his mother.
你说话了!你说话了!他母亲叫了起来。
I'm so happy! But why has it taked this long?
我太高兴了!但为什么花了这么长的时间呢?
Well, up till now, Said the boy, things have been okay.
哦，在这之前，那男孩说，一切都很正常。
英语的笑话4
Navajo Message For The Moon
纳瓦伙族人给月球的讯息
When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it took the astronauts to a Navajo reservation in Arizona for training. One day, a Navajo elder and his son came across the space crew, who were walking among the rocks.
在美国国家航天局准备阿波罗航天计划时，他们让宇航员们去亚利桑那州纳瓦伙族保留区进行训练。某天，一位纳瓦伙族老人和他儿子遇见正在岩石间穿行的'航空工作人员。
The elder, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question. His son translated for the NASA people:
老人问了航天局人员一个问题，但他只会说纳瓦伙族语，儿子帮他进行了翻译：
"What are these guys in the big suits doing?"
“这些穿着厚重衣服的家伙在干嘛?”
One of the astronauts said they were practicing for a trip to the moon. When his son relayed this comment, the Navajo elder got all excited and asked if it would be possible to give the astronauts a message to deliver to the moon.
一个宇航员说他们正为去月球进行训练。当儿子传达给老人后，老人非常兴奋地问道能否请宇航员们为他向月球传递一条讯息。
A NASA official said, "Why certainly!" and told an underling to get a tape recorder. The Navajo elder's comments were brief. The NASA official asked the son if he would translate what his father had said. But he refused.
航天局官员回答：“当然可以啦!”并吩咐下属拿来录音机。老人的留言非常简短，航天局官员问老人的儿子可否告诉他们老人说了什么，但他拒绝了。
Finally, an official government translator was summoned. The translator relayed the message:
最后，他们请来了一位政府翻译员，他转述道：
"Watch out for these fellows! They have come to steal your land."
“小心这些家伙!他们来抢你们的领土了。”
英语的笑话5
三只乌龟
Three turtles decided to have a cup of coffee.
三只乌龟决定去喝咖啡。
Just as they got into the cafe, it started to rain.
它们刚到咖啡店的门口，就下起雨来。
The biggest turtle said to the smallest one, " Go home and get the umbrella."
于是最大的那只乌龟对最小的乌龟说，“你回家去取伞吧。”
The little turtle replied, "I will, if you don't drink my offee."
最小的'乌龟说，“如果你们不把我的咖啡喝了，我就去。”
"We won't," the other two promised.
“我们不喝，”另外两只乌龟答应说。
Two years later the big turtle said to the middle turtle, "Well, I guess he isn't coming back, so we might as well drink his coffee."
两年后，大乌龟对中乌龟说，“好吧，我猜他肯定不回来了，我们可以把它的咖啡喝掉了。”
Just then a voice called from outside the door, "If you do, I won't go."
正在这时，一个声音从门外传来，“你们要是喝了，我就不去。”
英语的笑话6
情人来电
a man was sitting reading his paper when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.
"what was that for?", the man asked.
一个男人坐在那儿看报纸,他的老婆用煎锅打他的头。
"那是为什么?",那人问道。
the wife replied, "that was for the piece of paper with the name jenny on it that i found in your pants pocket".
the man said, "when i was at the races last week, jenny was the name of the horse i bet on."
the wife apologized and went on with the housework.
妻子回答说,"这张纸上写的名字珍妮,我在你的裤子口袋里发现的"。
那人说:"我上周看比赛,珍妮是我下注的那匹马的名字。"
妻子道歉,继续做家务。
three days later the man is watching tv when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit him again.
she replied "your horse just phoned you".
三天后，他正在看电视,他老婆用比上次大得多的.煎锅打他的头,他顿时失去知觉。
等男人恢复了意识，问他老婆为什么打他了。
她回答说:"你的马打电话给你"。
英语的笑话7
When my printer's type began to go faint, I called a repair shop where a friendly man told me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned.
Because the shop charged 50 pounds for such cleanings, he told me, it would be better for me to read the printer's directions and try the job myself.
Pleasantly surprised by his words, I asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"
"Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to repair things themselves first."
由于我的打印机不能打印出清晰的字来，我就打电话给维修部。电话是一位非常和蔼的男人接的，他说我的打印机也许只是需要清理一下。
他还说，如果让维修部清理的话要交50英镑的清理费，让我最好看看使用手册自己试着清理。
当时我真的被他的话感动了，就问他：“你们老板知道你这样拒绝生意么？”
“事实上，这就是我们老板的.主意，”雇员答道：“因为如果我们让用户先自行修理打印机的话就能挣更多的钱。”
英语的笑话8
在我们班，很多男生都很调皮 (包括我)。今天学十六年前的会忆的时候，课文里出现了很多“爹""妈妈”“舅老爷”之类长辈的.称乎，在读课文时，读到这里所有男生都小小声的说了一下“诶，儿子”之类的，女的不服气，读到妈妈的时候想应我们，但我们都没读那字，所以给老师罚站了10分钟，下次还是别这样了。
In our class, many boys are very naughty (including me). Today, at the meeting 16 years ago, there were many elders in the text, such as "father", "mother", "Uncle" and so on. When reading the text, all the boys said "ah, son" and so on in a small voice. The women were not convinced. When reading the mother, they wanted to respond to us, but we didn't read the word, so we punished the teacher by standing for 10 minutes. Next time, we will still Don't do that.
英语的笑话9
款待Treat
As a rookie in the Atlantic City, N.J., Police department, I was assigned a beat on the boardwalk. Hardly a day went by when I didn't come upon a child who had become separated from his parents.
One afternoon, I spotted a small boy standing alone, obviously lost. I tried to gain his confidence - I took him to the nearest ice-cream stand and bought him a cone. Time passed with no sign of the boy's parents, so the next step was to call for a patrol car to take him to headquarters. I told the small fry to stay put while I went to the call box. When I returned, he was nowhere in sight.
Within minutes, the car arrived, and one of the patrolmen asked me where the child was. I felt stupid; it's humiliating to say you've lost a lost child. But I told the officers what had happened and gave a description of the boy. "What did you treat him?" asked one of the men.
"An ice-cream cone. Why?"
"Because," answered the officer, "that kid lives only a few blocks from here, and you've about the fifth rookie he's conned for a treat!"
我是新泽西州大西洋城警察局的一名新警察。我被指派巡逻一条海滨的路线，几乎每天都能碰上与父母走散的孩子。
一天下午，我发现一个小孩独自站在那里，显然是迷了路。我先是设法取得他的信任－我带他到附近的冰淇淋摊给他买了一个蛋筒。过了很长时间，也没看见他父母的影子，所以我就准备打电话叫辆巡逻车将他送回总部去。我告诉他站在那里别动，我去电话亭打电话。当我回来时，却发现他不知道到哪儿去了。
警车很快来了。一名警察问我小孩在哪里。我感觉自己傻极了，说自己弄丢了一个迷路的.小孩，该多丢人啊！但我还是告诉了警察们所发生的一切，并描述了一下小孩的长相。“你请他吃了什么？”一名警察问。
“一个冰淇淋蛋筒。怎么啦？”
“因为，”那名警察说，“那个小孩住的地方离这儿只隔几个街区。而你大概是新警察中帮他买东西吃的第五个傻瓜蛋！”
英语的笑话10
I Will Not Take a Bath I will not take a bath, I won’t get in tub, I has bath last week. I don’t need another scrub. I would need my rubber ducky, a bucket and a boat, my toy whale, a submarine, a rubber ball. No, I can not take a bath. The tub is too small. It’s all filled up with toy. There’s no room for me.
英语的笑话11
He is really somebody!
" My uncle has 1000 men under him."
"He is really somebody. What does he do?"
"A maintenance man in a cemetery. "
他真是一个大人物!
“我叔叔下面有1000个人。”
“他真是一个大人物。干什么的?”
“墓地守墓人。”
英语的笑话12
【一】
Mr. and Mrs. Jones very seldom go out in the evening, but last saturday, Mrs. Jones said to her husband, "There is a good film at the cinema tonight. Can we go and see it?"
Mr. Jones was quite happy about it, so they went, and both of them enjoyed the film.
They came out of the cinema at 11 o'clock, got into their car and began driving home. It was quite dark. Then Mrs. Jones said, "Look, Bill. A woman's running along the road very fast, and a man's running after her. Can you see them?"
Mr. Jones said, "Yes, I can." He drove the car slowly near the woman and said to her, "Can we help you?"
"No, thank you," the woman said, but she did not stop running. "My husband and I always run home after the cinema, and the last one washes the dishes at home!"
【二】
One day,a lady talked with her friend saying that the sun is the most beautiful and useful of the celestial bodies.
A gentlman who was present, answered: "Yes, Madam, the sun is a very fine body, to be sure, but in my opinion, it is not so useful as the moon."
"Why so?" asked the lady.
"Because," replied the gentleman, "the moon affords us light in the night-time, when we really want it, whereas we have the sun always with us in the day-time, when we have not so much need of it."
【三】
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
【四】
Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking by the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately reviewed her file and called her into his office.
"Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom，he's dead."
Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I hung him up to dry."
【五】
"All the kids make fun of me," the boy cried to his mother, "They say I have a big head."
"Don't listen to them," his mother comforted him, "You have a beautiful head. Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes."
"Where's the shopping bag?"
"I haven't got one, use your hat."
“所有的孩子都拿我开玩笑，”小男孩哭着跟妈妈说：“他们说我长了一个大脑袋。”
“别听他们的，”他妈妈安慰说：“你的脑袋长得很漂亮。好了，别哭了，去商店买10磅土豆来。”
“购物袋在哪？”
“我没有购物袋，就用你的帽子吧。”
【六】
Talking on the Telephone
Each Sunday the minister called the children to the front of the church while he told them a story. Once he brought a telephone to better illustrate the idea of prayer.
"You talk to people on the telephone and don't see them on the other end of the line, right?" he began.
The children nodded yes. "Well, talking to God is like talking on the telephone. He's on the other end, but you can't see him. He is listening though."
Just then a little boy piped up and asked, "What's his number?"
在电话中交谈
每个星期天牧师都会把孩子们叫到教堂前面，然后给他们讲一个故事。一天，他为了更好地阐述祈祷的含义，带来了一台电话机。
“你们和别人在电话里交谈，并没有看到电话线另一端的人，对吗？”他开始问道。孩子们点头称是。“好的，和上帝交谈就象通过电话交谈一样。他就在另一端，虽然你看不见他，但是他正在聆听你的心声。”
就在这时，一个小男孩尖着嗓子问道：“那他的电话号码是什么？”
【七】
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"
"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"
一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的？”他的一个朋友问他。“那玩意儿厉害了，那是一个会说话的钟”，学生回答。“这钟怎么工作的”，他的朋友问。“看着，别眨眼了”，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音震耳欲聋。突然，他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫，“别敲了，你这白痴！现在是凌晨两点钟了！”
【八】
After burying his mother nine months earlier, a client of the local mortuary finally had enough money to purchase the expensive coffin he'd originally wanted. So we exhumed the body and transferred his deceased mother into the new steel casket. "What's so special about this coffin?" I asked the funeral director. He replied, "It has a lifetime warranty."在将母亲下葬9个月后，当地殡仪馆的一个客户终于攒够了钱去买那副他早就相中的.价值不菲的棺材了。他把母亲的棺材挖了出来，将尸体转移到了那副新的钢制棺材中。“这副棺材有什么特别?”，我问葬礼的承办人。他回答说，“这种棺材终生保修。
【九】
One day, the teacher inquired of Peter: "How much is four minus four?" Peter was tongue-tied.
The teacher got angry and said: "What a fool! You see, if I put four coins in your pocket, but there is a hole in your pocket and all of them leak out, now what is left in your pocket?"
"The hole," replied Peter。
一天，老师问彼得：“4减4等于几？”彼得张口结舌答不上来。
老师生气地说：“真笨！你想，我要是往你口袋里放四个硬币，而你的口袋上有个窟窿，硬币全漏掉了，那么，你衣袋里还剩下什么？”
“窟窿，”彼得答道。
【十】
A store manager heard a clerk tell a customer．“No，ma’am， we haven't had any for a while， and it doesn't look asif we'll be getting soon．” Horrified，the manager came runningover to the customer and said，“Of course， we'll have somesoon， We placed an order last week．” Then the manager drewthe clerk aside：“Never， never， never say we are out of anything—say we've got it on order and it's coming． Now whatwas it she wanted？” “Rain．” said the clerk．
一个商店经理听见一个店员对顾客说：“不，夫人，这会儿没有，一时半会儿看来也不会有。”经理惊恐万分地跑到顾客跟前说：“当然，马上就会有的。我们上周订了货。”然后经理把店员拉到一边：“千万，千万，千万不要说我们没有什么——说我们已经订了货，货马上就到。现在你说她要买什么？” “雨，”店员说。
英语的笑话13
A couple of hunters chartered a small plane to fly them to a forest, and made an appointment with the pilot to come back and fetch them in about two weeks. At the end of the two weeks, they had shot a lot of animals that they wanted to load onto the plane.But the pilot said, "This plane won't be able to take more than one wild buffalo. You'll have to leave the others behind."Then the hunters protested, saying, "But last year, another pilot with the same airplane let us take two buffalos and some other animals in the plane as well."So the new pilot thought about it. He was a little bit skeptical, but finally he said, "OK, since you did it last year, I guess this year we can do it again." Then he loaded the two buffalos and a few other animals in, and the plane took off. Five minutes later, it crashed in a neighboring area.The three men climbed out and looked around, and one hunter said to the other, "Where do you think we are now?"The second one surveyed the area and said, "I think we're about one mile to the left of the place we crashed last year."
有两个猎人包机前往一座森林，到了以后，他们和飞行员约定好两周后来接。两周后，他们射了许多动物，而且打算把这些动物全部搬上那架小飞机，可是飞行员说：“这架飞机除了一头野牛外，没办法再多载了。你们必须把其他的猎物都留下。”猎人说：“但是去年另一个飞行员开一样的飞机，就让我们带两只水牛，还有一些其他的动物上机！”因为他们这样抗议，所以那个新飞行员想了一想后，尽管还是有点存疑，最后还是妥协说：“好吧！如果去年可以做到，今年应该也可以。”所以他装了两头水牛和一些其他的`动物。结果飞机起飞五分钟后，就坠落在邻近的地方。这3个人从飞机爬出来看了看四周，其中一个猎人对另一个说：“你认为我们现在在哪儿？”那个人瞧了一下，说：“我想大概距离去年坠机的地方西边一英哩远！”
英语的笑话14
Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches.
When Tommy came back,mother asked him,”Did you buy a good box of matches?”
“Yes,Mum.”Tommy replied,”I have tried them all.”
妈妈让汤米去马路对面的商店里买一盒好用的火柴。
汤米回来后，妈妈问他，“你买的是好用的火柴吗？”
“是的'，妈妈。”汤米回答，“我把它们都试过了。”
英语的笑话15
One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living.一天，有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村，在乡间路上开着车，想看看农庄是什么样子，也想看看农夫怎样种田过日子
The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree.这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的草地 上，手中抱着一头猪，并把它举得高高的，好让它能够吃到树上的苹果。
The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?"城里人对农夫说，"我看你的.猪挺喜欢吃苹果的，但是，这不是很浪费时间吗?"那位农夫 回答说，"时间对猪有什么意义?"
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