英语的笑话(实用15篇)
英语的笑话1
The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their wives．He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely． Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel to step to the left side of the hall． All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right． “It's good to see，”said the king，“that we have one real man in the kingdom．Tell these chickenhearted dunces why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall．” “Your Majesty，”came the reply in a squealing voice，“it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds．”
古代有一个国王，他想证明他领土内的男人并非像人们传说的那样，受到老婆的管制。他把王国里所有的男人都召到跟前，警告说，哪个男人胆敢不说实话，就会受到严厉的惩罚。然后，他叫所有听从妻子的'命令和意见的男人都走向大厅的左侧。所有的男人都站到了左侧，只有一个小个子男人站到了右侧。国王说：“看到我们国家里还有一个真正的男子汉，真是令人高兴。告诉这些胆小的笨蛋，为什么在他们当中只有你一个人站在大厅的右侧。” “陛下，”那人尖声地回答：“因为在我出门之前，我老婆告诉我不要扎堆。”
英语的笑话2
好客
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate.
The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。
客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的.好。你在哪里找到的奶酪?” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。
英语的笑话3
Pulling alongside our drive-up bank window, a woman was not happy with her position. So she backed up and pulled closer. Still not satisfied, she backed away and tried again. After five attempts, she finally parked the car and rolled down her window. I greeted her with a simple "Good morning".
"Good morning," she replied cheerfully. "I'm going to have to use this drive-up all the time. It's so easy!"
一位妇女把车沿着我们银行的驱车直达窗口开过来，可她并不满意于她停的位置。因此她倒车，靠得更近点。还是不满意，倒车，再来。五次努力后，终于她把车停下来，摇下车窗。我简单地问候她一声“早上好”。
“早上好，”她愉快地回答说，“以后我都要使用这种驱车直达窗口。真是如此的方便。”
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.
三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, Gigantic Sale! and Super Bargains!
右边的零售商挂起了巨大的.招牌，上书：大减价！特便宜！
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, Prices Slashed! and Fantastic Discounts!
左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：大砍价!大折扣!
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, ENTRANCE.
中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：入口处。
英语的笑话4
送礼
A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sum of money was talking to his lawyer.
一个被告卷入了一桩牵涉大笔资金的诉讼案，他去找他的律师。
A:If I lose this case, I'll be ruined.
如果我输了这场官司，我就完了。
B:It's in the judge's hand now.
这事掌握在法官的手上。
A:Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?
如果我给法官送一箱雪茄，会不会起点作用?
B:Oh.no !This judge is a stickler for ethical behavior.A turu like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hald you in contempt of coun. in fact.you shouldn't even smile ai the judge.
哦.不会的!这位法官很固执，非常注意职业道德。这种花招只会让他对你产生偏见，他甚至会认为你蔑视法庭。事实上，你甚至都不用对他微笑。
With in the course of time,the judge wndered a decision in favor of the defendant.As the defendanL leR the counhouae,
最后，法官作了一个有利于被告的.判决，当被告离开法院时。
A:Thanks for the tip about the cigars.It worked.
谢谢你关于雪茄的忠告，这很管用。
B:I'm sure we wodd have lost the caae if you'd sent them.
如果你送了的话，我肯定会输掉这场官司。
A:But did send them.
但是我的确送了。
B:What? You did?!
什么?你送了?!
A:Yes.That's how we won the case.
对，这就是我们会赢这场官司的原因。
B:I don't understand.
我不明白。
A:It's easy.I sent the cigars to the judge,but enclosed the plaintiff's business card.
这很简单，我把雪茄送到了法官那里，但是附上了原告的一张名片。
英语的笑话5
《I Don't Like an Argument》 我不想争论
”Gerald,“asked the teacher,”what is the shape of the earth?“
”It's round,“answered Gerald.
”How do you know it's round?“continued the teacher.
”All right,it's square then,he replied,I really don't feel like getting into an argument about it!
”杰拉尔德，“老师问：”地球是什么形状？“
”是圆形的，“杰拉尔德回答道。
”你怎么知道是圆的？“老师又问。
”好吧，那它是方的，“学生回答说：”我可不想与你争论这件事情。“
生难词：square adj.平方的，方形的
《Two Birds》 两只鸟
Teacher: ”Here are two birds,one is a swallow,the other is sparrow.Now who can tell us which is which?“
Student: ”I cannot point out but I know the answer.“
Teacher: ”Please tell us.“
Student: ”The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.“
老师：”这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？“
学生：”我指不出，但我知道答案。“
老师：”请说说看。“
学生：”燕子旁边的`就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。“
生难词：swallow n.燕子 sparrow n.麻雀
《Three Turtles》 三只乌龟
Three turtles decided to have a cup of coffee. Just as they got into the cafe, it started to rain.
The biggest turtle said to the smallest one,"Go home and get the umbrella."
The little turtle replied,"I will, if you don't drink my offee."
"We won't,"the other two promised.
Two years later the big turtle said to the middle turtle,"Well, I guess he isn't coming back,so we might as well drink his coffee."
Just then a voice called from outside the door,"If you do, I won't go."
三只乌龟决定去喝咖啡。它们刚到咖啡店的门口，就下起雨来。于是最大的那只乌龟对最小的乌龟说，“回家去取伞吧。”
最小的乌龟说，“如果你们不把我的咖啡喝了，我就去。”
“我们不喝，”另外两只乌龟答应说。
两年后，大乌龟对中乌龟说，“好吧，我猜他肯定不回来了，我们可以把它的咖啡喝掉了。”
正在这时，一个声音从门外传来，“你们要是喝了，我就不去。”
生难词：turtle n.乌龟 biggest adj.最大的
smallest adj.最小的 umbrella n.雨伞
《Who Is the Laziest》 谁最懒
Father: “Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class?”
Tom: “I don't know, father.”
Father: “Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?”
Tom: “Our teacher, father.”
父亲：“哎，汤姆，今天我跟你们老师谈过，现在我想问你个问题。你们班上谁最懒？”
汤姆：“我不知道，爸爸。”
父亲：“啊，不对，你知道！想想看，当别的孩子们都在做作业、写字时，谁在课堂上坐着，只是看人家做功课？”
汤姆：“我们老师，爸爸。”
生难词：lazy adj.懒惰的
《Who is Stupid》 谁愚蠢
A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying,"Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
Little Johnny then stood up.
The teacher said,"Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"
"No,but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，“谁认为自己蠢就站起来？”她一开始就说。
小约翰尼站了起来。
“你认为你很蠢吗，小约翰尼？”老师问。
“不是的，老师，我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”
生难词：stupid adj.愚蠢的，迟钝的
《His Fault》 他的错
Billy:“ Mother, Bobby broke a window.”
Mother: “How did he do it?”
Billy: “I threw a rock at him and he ducked.”
比利：妈妈，波比打坏了窗玻璃。
妈妈：他怎么打的？
比利：我向他扔石头，他躲开了。
生难词：duck v.躲避
《Tom's excuse》 汤姆的借口
Teacher: “Tom, why are you late for school every day?”
Tom: “Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, School-Go Slow.”
老师：“汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？”
汤姆：“我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着：学校----慢行。”
《somebody》 大人物
My uncle has 1000 men under him.
He is really somebody. What does he do？
A maintenance man in a cemetery.
我叔叔下面有1000个人。
他真是一个大人物。干什么的？
墓地守墓人。
生难词：cemetery n.守墓人
英语的笑话6
Indians ask their new chief whether the winter will be cold or mild。 Since the young chief never learned the ways of hisancestors， he tells them to collect firewood， then he goes off and calls the National Weather Service。
印地安人问他们的新酋长，这个冬天是冷还是温暖。这位年轻的酋长从没学过祖先那些本领，他只好吩咐他们去捡木柴，然后自己走到一边去给国家气象局打电话。
"Will the winter be bad？" he asks。
“今年冬天会不会很冷？”他问。
"Looks like it，" is the answer。
“看上去是这样的。”他得到这样的回答。
英语幽默笑话之今年冬天冷不冷？英语幽默笑话之今年冬天冷不冷？
So the chief tells his people to gather more firewood。 A week later， he calls again。
于是酋长要求大家收集更多的木柴。一个星期后，他又打电话给国家气象局。
"Are you positive the winter will be very cold？"
“你确信今年冬天会很冷？”
英语幽默笑话之今年冬天冷不冷？文章英语幽默笑话之今年冬天冷不冷？
"Absolutely。"
“毫无疑问。”
The chief tells his people to gather even more firewood， then calls the Weather Service again： "Are you sure？"
酋长随即要求族人捡更多的木柴，然后再次给国家气象局打电话：“你肯定吗？”
"I'm telling you， it's going to be the coldest winter on record。"
“我告诉你，那将是有史以来最寒冷的.冬天。”
英语幽默笑话之今年冬天冷不冷？笑话大全
"How do you know？"
“你怎么知道？”
"Because the Indians are gathering firewood like crazy！"
“因为印第安人正发疯似地捡木柴！”
英语的笑话7
Stupid Question
Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Everyday, thousands of people passed his door, and a lot of them stopped and asked him, "What's the time, please?"
After a few months, Dan said to himself, "I'm not going to answer all those stupid people any more. I'm going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here." Then he did so.
“Now people aren't going to stop and ask me the time," he thought happily.
But after that, a lot of people stopped, looked at the clock and then asked Dan, "Is that clock right?”
愚蠢的问题
丹在一个大城市的.某个俱乐部当守门人。每天都有数千人经过他的门口，而且许多人都会停下来问他:“请问现在几点?”
几个月后，丹想:“我不想再回答这些蠢人提出的问题了，我要去买一只大钟，把它挂在这儿的墙上。”于是他买了一只钟，把它挂在了墙上。
“现在人们总不会再停下来问我时间了。”他高兴地想。
可是打那以后，每天仍有许多人停下来，看看钟，然后问丹:“这钟准吗?”
英语的笑话8
Anything Breakable
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.
英语的笑话9
情人来电
a man was sitting reading his paper when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.
"what was that for?", the man asked.
一个男人坐在那儿看报纸,他的老婆用煎锅打他的头。
"那是为什么?",那人问道。
the wife replied, "that was for the piece of paper with the name jenny on it that i found in your pants pocket".
the man said, "when i was at the races last week, jenny was the name of the horse i bet on."
the wife apologized and went on with the housework.
妻子回答说,"这张纸上写的名字珍妮,我在你的裤子口袋里发现的"。
那人说:"我上周看比赛,珍妮是我下注的那匹马的.名字。"
妻子道歉,继续做家务。
three days later the man is watching tv when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit him again.
she replied "your horse just phoned you".
三天后，他正在看电视,他老婆用比上次大得多的煎锅打他的头,他顿时失去知觉。
等男人恢复了意识，问他老婆为什么打他了。
她回答说:"你的马打电话给你"。
英语的笑话10
who want to go to heaven
The preacher was vexed because a certain member of his congregation always fell asleep during the sermon.
As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congregation. "All who want to go to heaven, please rise." Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering "Be seated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced, "All those who want to be with the devil, please rise."
Awaking with a start , the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit , "Well, sir," he said, "I don't know what we're voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."
牧师非常生气，因为总有一个人在他说教时打瞌睡。
一个星期天，正当坐在前排的那个人又在瞌睡时，牧师决定要好好教育他一下，让他不要再在布道时睡觉。于是他低声对信徒们说：“想去天堂的`人，都请站起来吧。”所有的人都站了起来——当然，除了那个打瞌睡的人。在低声说过请坐后，牧师高声喊道：“想去下地狱的人请站起来!”
打瞌睡的人被这突然的喊叫声惊醒了，他站了起来。看到牧师高站在教坛上，正生气的看着他。这个人说道：“噢，先生，我不知道我们在选什么，但看上去只有你和我是候选人。”
英语的笑话11
Mother and her little daughter
KATHEN is my six-year-old daughter and she likes asking me all kinds of strange questions and sometimes did some funny things that could make me go mad. One day I was writing something important in the living room. Then KATHEN came back from school.
D:Mummy, this morning I found 10 dollars on the road but I gave it back to the owner. M: Good girl. Did the person say thank you to you?
D: No, she pulled my ear and I had to return her the money.
M: Poor girl. Well, go to your little room and do your homework now.
D: Mummy, if there is a five-dollar bill and a ten-dollar bill on the street, which one will you pick up?
M: Of course the ten-dollar bill
D: Mum, you are so stupid, why don’t you pick up both?经典英语口语小笑话精选
M: KATHEN!!
(the daughter ran away quickly)
D: Mummy, the teacher asked all the students to make a donation to the victims in the earthquake.
M: Ah, did you tell her that you didn’t have any money.
D:I’ve told her,but she said you had the money.
M: Get away!
D: Mum, why do other people live in a so so big house and we live in such a small one? M: Because I don’t have enough money.
D: Then how can we live in a very very big house?
M: You have to study hard and then you can make a lot of money when you grow up. Then we can get a very very big house.
D: So why didn’t you study hard when you were a little child?
M: KATHEN, go back to your own room and don’t come to ask me any questions.
(KATHEN was reading aloud )
M: KATHEN, what are you reading?
D: I don’t know.
M: You don’t know? But you were reading aloud. So you must know.
D: I was reading aloud, mummy. But I wasn’t listening.
D:Mum, I want two cents.
M: I gave you two cents yesterday and what did you do with the money?
D: I gave it to a poor old woman.
M: You are a good girl, here are two cents more. But I wonder why you are so interested in the old woman.
D:She is the one who sells the candy.
M: KATHEN!! Get out of the house and go to play with your dog in the yard, don’t get back until your father come back.
D: (run into the house hurrily)Mummy, my pet dog KITTY is gone. I can’t find it anywhere.
M: Well, I’ll put an advertisement in the newspaper later.
D: It’s no use, my dog can’t read.
(the mother fell into a faint. )
英语的笑话12
Father: Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn.
Susie: That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing!
父亲：哎呀，我刚才违规右转弯了。
苏西：没事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也这么转了。
英语的笑话13
自我介绍
班上来了一个插班女生。
她自我介绍：她说我未必会是最聪明的，我未必会是最美丽的，我未必会是最优秀的，我未必会是最幽默的'。
正当班上同学都称赞她的谦虚时，她突然说：大家好，我的名字叫魏碧慧。
英语的笑话14
one day after school the teacher said to his students, "tomorrow morning, if any one of you can answer my first question, i will permit him or her to go home earlier."
一天，放学以后，老师对他的学生们说：“明天上午，如果你们当中的任何一个同学能首先回答我的'问题，我就准许他或她最先回家。”
the next day, when the teacher came into the classroom, he found the blackboard daubed(涂抹) . he was very angry and asked, "who did it? please stand up!" "it's me," said bob, "now, i can go home. good-bye, sir."
第二天，老师走进教室时发现黑板被涂得乱七八糟，他非常生气的问：“谁涂的?请站起来!”鲍勃说：“先生，是我，现在我可以回家了，再见!”
英语的笑话15
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.孩子们在天主教学校的`自助食堂中排队打午饭。
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."
在桌子的前端有一大堆苹果。修女写了一张字条，把它贴在了苹果盘上：“只能拿一个，上帝在看着。”
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
继续排着队向前走，在桌子的尽头有一大堆巧克力脆饼。
A child had written a note, "Take all you want.God is watching the apples."
一个孩子写了张字条：“随便拿，上帝在看着苹果。”
【英语的笑话】相关文章：
英语的笑话12-17
英语小笑话12-03
[精华]英语小笑话12-04
英语小笑话集锦15篇12-03
英语小笑话15篇（必备）12-03
汉字笑话故事12-12
经典笑话故事12-02
经典笑话故事15篇(必备)12-02
英语申请信12-10