英语的笑话（汇总15篇）
英语的笑话1
Our manager at the restaurant where I worked was a much beloved, jovial man. But there was one subject you didn't dare discuss in front of him -- his height. or, should I say, his lack of it.One day, he stormed through the door and announced angrily, "Someone just picked my pocket!" Most of my fellow waitresses and I were speechless, except for the one who blurted out, "How could anyone stoop so low?"
我们的餐厅经理是一位深受大家爱戴，和蔼而又快乐的人。但在他面前有一件事不能提--他的身高。或者，我应该说，他是有点矮!一天，经理怒气冲冲地撞门而入，高声说，“有人拿了我的钱包!”
我和其她大部女招待都没敢吱声，但有人却蹦出一句话：“哪有人能弯腰弯那么低的`啊”!
英语的笑话2
Can his football come out to play
George knocked on the door of his friend's house. When his friend's mother answered he asked, "Can Albert come out to play?"
"No," said the mother, "It's too cold."
"Well, then," said George, "Can his football come out to play?"
英语的笑话3
At an exhibition of the world's best swordsman, the third-place fencer took the stage.
在一场世界最佳击剑手表演中，排名第三的击剑手上场了。
A fly was released, and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half.
一只苍蝇放了出来，剑划了一个弧，他将苍蝇劈成了两半。
The crowd cheered.
观众欢呼起来。
Then the second-place man sliced a fly into quarters.
紧接着排名第二的人将一只苍蝇切成了四半。
A hush fell in anticipation of the world's greatest swordsman.
现场一阵沉默，人们期盼着世界上最伟大的击剑手出场。
His blade came down in a mighty arc - but the insect continued on its way! The crowd was aghast.
他的剑锋以一个巨大的弧线划了下来--然而那只昆虫还在继续飞行!观众被惊呆了。
The greatest swordsman had missed his target completely,
观众被惊呆了。最伟大的`击剑手完全错过了他的目标，
yet he continued to smile.
然而他还在微笑着。
"Why are you so happy?" someone yelled.
“你为什么这么高兴?”有人嚷道，
"You missed!"
“你没击中!”
"Ah," replied the swordsman,
“啊，”剑手答道，
"you weren't watching very carefully.
“你刚才没有很仔细地看。
They fly lives, yes - but he will never be a father.
苍蝇还活着，是的--但他永远也做不成爸爸了。
英语的笑话4
A foreign visitor touring the great American West came across an Indian with his ear pressed tothe ground. 一位外国游客到美国大西部游览，碰到一个印第安人把耳朵紧贴在地上。
"What are you listening for?" heasked. "你在听什么呢?"他询问道。
“为了向你表示谢意，我送你一只龙虾。”说着他便给老板一只活蹦乱跳的大龙虾。
"Well, that's very kind of you. My wife and I will have it for dinner. " “您真好，我太太和我将以它当晚餐。”
"Oh, he's already had dinner. But I am sure he'd love to take in a movie. " “喔，它已经吃过晚餐了，但我想它会喜欢看场电影。”
英语的笑话5
there was a cave full of lots of vampire bats. once, a bat called andy came home late and there was of blood all over his body. all of his friends and family asked him where the blood came from, and asked him to take place. he didnt want to tell them at first, but after a while, he said follow me, folks. then they flew over a valley, crossed a river, and stopped in front of a stone. andy asked do you guys see that tree? and his friends all answered yes and then andy said i didnt.
英语的笑话6
从事教学生涯已20余年, 光阴荏苒,蓦然回首,回味起来真是感慨万千!有成功喜悦时,也有索然无味时。走过的脚印弯弯曲曲、深深浅浅……每当提到课堂教学这一环节时:我总是积极全身心地投身于融洽的教学环境中,与学生们互动起来,进行心与心的交流。并且在教学中我经常采用恰当的幽默使学生对一堂课回味无穷……这样日积月累不断的观察总结，发现:孩子们对知识的掌握更加牢固了,并且越来越喜欢这门学科了,真是起到了事半功倍的效果,并且教学效果非常显著。
在教颜色和星期两大类词汇后,为了加强学生对他们的`记忆,我给学生讲了一则有关”阿凡提染布”的幽默故事:一天，一个叫巴依的财主带着一块布让阿凡提染色,由于巴依对阿凡提的智慧妒忌已久,想刁难阿凡提,就说:”你把我的布染成这种’颜色’,这种颜色不是red,也不是white ;不是black, 也不是brown; 不是blue , 也不是green; 不是orange也不是yellow”即不是任何颜色。但聪明的阿凡提很快就答应，并告诉了巴依：“你就等‘那一天’来取布吧，那一天不是Sunday, 也不是Monday, 不是Tuesday 也不是Wednesday, 不是Thursday也不是Friday 和 Saturday。学生们听完这个故事笑了。他们在笑声中学会阿凡提智慧的同时，自然也加深了对这类词汇的深刻理解和记忆。
记得我曾让初一的学生用look after(照顾)，put on(穿上 )等词组造句，有的学生造出了这样的句子：IlookTVafterschool.I
Putmybookonthedesk。他们的主要错误就是没有整体理解词组的意思，而是把词组中的一个个单词放在句中造句。针对这一错误，我就把我曾看过的一个幽默讲给他们听。老师要学生用“如果“天真”“十分”“从容”造句，结果一个学生这样写道：“汽水不如果汁营养丰富。”同学们听后都笑了。
在这学期刚接手六年级（3）班的英语课时，他们的英语基础很差，每天批改作业有一半同学不按规则去认真书写，甚至有个别学生由三十几个字母连成一片组成一个单词，最困难的是：他们把握不住词与词之间的距离。面对这种情况我给学生讲了这样一个小笑话：一次分发考卷时，老师连喊“朱肚皮”都无人回应，发到最后一张试卷。老师问：“谁没有拿到试卷”，只有一个女生站起来。“你叫什么名字？”“朱月坡”。学生笑得前俯后仰，他们很清楚“朱月坡”成了“朱肚皮”的原因，所以在这一段时间学生写句子前,我只要开玩笑说:不要成了"朱肚皮”学生就知道我在强调什么。
“教学有法,教无定法”。在新课改的今天,如何让我们的学生愉快的学习,把平常的一些笑话与某个教学内容和目标结合,即可活跃课堂气氛,也可加深学生对某个知识点的印象和理解,还能让学生有更多的兴趣去期待我们的课,善待我们这一科。以上是我在实际教学中的一些尝试,恳请诸位同仁们提出中肯的建议。
英语的笑话7
借公牛一用
Once upon a time, there lived a rich man, but he didn't know any words.
One day, one of his friends wanted to borrow an ox from him, so he wrote a note and asked his servant to take it to this rich man.
After the servant gave the note to the rich man, he pretended to be reading it and after a while, he said, "OK, I know. Go and tell your master, I'll go myself shortly.
从前，有个人很富有，但他不识字。
一天，他的一位朋友想向他借一头公牛，便写了个条，让仆人送到富人那里。 仆人把条子给了富人。富人便假装看了一会儿，然后说道：“好啦，我知道了。回去告诉你的主人，我马上自己过去。”
英语的`笑话8
你说什么?
Moe, Larry and Curly had been stranded on a desert island. They were walking alongdisconsolately when Moe happened to kick a bottle lying in the sand. The bottle broke and agenie suddenly emerged before them.
莫伊、赖利和卷毛因船触礁搁浅而被困在一个无人荒岛上，他们寂寞无助地沿岸边走着，这时莫伊踢到沙滩上一只瓶子，那只瓶子破了后，突然出现一个精灵。
"Thank you. oh Masters, for releasing me from my captivity. For your kindness, please allow meto grant you each a wish. "
“谢谢你们从囚禁我的瓶子中把我放出来，我的主人。为了报答你们的`恩惠，请让我为每位实现一个愿望。”
"Well, it's not too difficult to figure out what I want," said Moe. "I wish I were back home. "
“哦，我的愿望很容易想出来，”莫伊说。“我希望我能回到家里。”
No sooner had he said the words than he was back in dear old Brooklyn.
话一说完，莫伊就已在他可爱的布鲁克林老家中。
"I want to be back home, too," said I Larry, and he, too, was instantly transported.
“我也想回家，”赖利说，他马上也就被送走了。
" Gee, it's alone some here without Moe and Larry," said Curly. "I wish they were here to keepme company. "
“唉，没有莫伊和赖利，一个人在这里真无聊，”卷毛说。“我希望他们能回到这里陪伴我。”
英语的笑话9
Will and Bill were quarrelling about whose father was the stronger.
Will said, "Well, you know the Pacific Ocean ? My father's the one who dug the hole for it."
Bill wasn't impressed, "Well, that's nothing. You know the Dead Sea ? My father's the one who killed it!"
维尔和比尔在争吵，谁的爸爸是更强壮的一个。维尔说：“你知道太平洋吗?那个坑是我爸爸挖的。”
比尔不屑地说：“那没什么。你知道死海吗? 那是我爸爸打死的.。”
英语的笑话10
又要结婚了
"So you want another day off,”snorted the teacher to his student，Tom.“I am anxious to hear what excuse you have this time. You have been off for your grandfather's funeral four times already.”
“这么说，你又要请一天假，”老师怒气冲冲地对他的学生汤姆说，“我倒想知道你这次找什么借口。你已经请了四次假说去参加你爷爷的葬礼。”
Tom replied，"Today my grandma is getting married again.”
汤姆回答说:“今天是我奶奶再次举行婚礼。”
英语的`笑话11
jump up and down
Mother: Why are you jumping up and down?
Tom: I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle.
妈妈：你为什么不停地跳上跳下的?
汤姆：我刚吃完药，可我忘了先摇动瓶子了
英语的笑话12
While shopping for my first CD player, I was able to decipher most of the technicalese on the promotional signs. One designation had me puzzled, though, so I called over a salesperson and asked, What does 'hybrid pulse D/A converter' mean?That means, she said, that this machine will read the digital information that is encoded on CDs and convert it into an audio signal - that is, into music.In other words this CD player plays CDs.Exactly.
在购买我的第一部CD唱机时，我能够解读推销标记上面的`大多数技术语言。但是有一个标示却让我颇为迷惑，于是我叫过销售商，问道：‘混合脉冲D/A变换器’是什么意思?它的意思是，她说，这个机器能够读CD碟上加码的数字信息，将它转换成声音信息-也就是说，转换成音乐。换句话说，这个CD唱机能够播放CD碟。正是如此。
英语的笑话13
Justice Is The Winner(正义必胜)
by Cecilia Liu 劉怡芬
5人短剧。搞笑的匪徒,搞笑的`绑架案，不错的剧本。
人物
Bunny Cheng: Bunny Chen
Eliza Lin: Daughter
Celine Tu: Reporter et Aside
Sano Hsieh: Small gangster(小流氓)
Trent Cheng: Big gangster(大流氓)
SCENE I
A mother is doing exercise in the living room when the phone is ringing. And her daughter is in the school now.
Mom: Hello~
Caller: (A boy is crying.) Ha! Your kid is here. Do you hear his voice? If you want to save your kid, prepare the ransom.
Mom: Are you crazy? I don’t have a son!!! Don’t try to cheat me. Stupid guy!
The mother is very angry and hung up the phone. But later… the phone is ringing again…
Mom: Hello~
Caller: Hello~ Are you busy now?
Mom: (I recognize the voice.) You are a fraud, right? Do you want to trick me again? Is it fun? Don’t do such a boring thing, O.K.? I won’t believe you.
Caller: Really? Listen to this.(A girl is crying on the phone, ”mom, help me~ help me~)
Mom: Oh~ you are a good actor. This time is better but I still won’t fall into your trap to rob me of my money! If you call again, I will call the cop. Do you understand? (Hang up the phone more angrier.)
But the voice sounds like her daughter’s and the mom is not disturbed. She decides to go to the elementary school to see her daughter. The mom got there…
Mom: Eliza~
Eliza: Mom~ why you are here? Are you missing me? Do you come here to pick me up?
Mom: Ya~ are you happy in the school? Let’s go home. I want to tell you something on the way home.
Mom tells Eliza about the phone scam and wants her to be careful from now on.
SCENE II英语剧本大全ww.coffbar.com
Because the mother didn’t believe the two gangsters really kidnapped her kid, the gangsters were furious. So they decided to kidnap her daughter this time.
The gangsters have found the school her daughter studies in, and observed for many days. Today is the day they plan to kidnap the child.
The big gangster always focuses on what he’s doing but the small gangster is usually absent-minded.
Big gangster: Hey! Concentrate!! (The big gangster hit the small gangster’s head)
Small gangster: Ouch! O.K. O.K.
At this moment, the girl appears.
Small gangster: (Check the picture.) Hey!! Buddy!! Look! Is that her?
Big gangster: Ha! Ha! Ha! It’s hunting time.
Small gangster: I’m so excited!! Oh~ what a beautiful girl. Just like a fairy. My sweetheart… Buddy do you know? I feel that I get butterflies in my stomach!
Big gangster: (Hitting the small gangster’s head again.) Hey! Wake up!! Stop day-dreaming. Let’s make a move!
Small gangster: Oh~ my baby~ I’m coming!!
Big gangster: Hey!! Lady!! Can you do me a favor?
Eliza: Sure! What can I do for you?
Small gangster: (Murmuring) This beautiful lady has a beautiful heart.
Big gangster: Sorry. Ignore what he said.
Eliza: Never mind!
Big gangster: Thanks! I want to go to Tunghai University. Do you know how can I get there?
Eliza: Oh… you should go straight until the traffic light, then turn right until you see a convenience store at the corner and turn left. Keep going straight and you would see the university.
Big gangster: Go straight until the first traffic light, turn right and we will see a supermarket at the end of the street. And…
Eliza: No! No! No! Go straight until the traffic light, then turn right until you see a convenience store at the corner and turn left. Keep going straight and you would see the university.
Small gangster: Go straight until the first traffic light, then turn left and go straight to the end of the street, then we can see the university.
Eliza: Oh, my! No! Wrong again! You two are really a stupid guy.
Big gangster: It’s too complex. I can’t remember all the directions. I’m a foreigner. And I have an important presentation there. Could you go with us, guide us there? Please~
Eliza was confused. But she is a kind person and she likes to help people.
Eliza: Umm… let me think… okay!! Let’s go!
Small gangster: How kind of you!! My little girl.
Big gangster: Sorry. Just ignore him. Thank for your help.
Eliza goes with the gangsters.
In the gangsters’ car, the small gangster suddenly shows a sharp knife. And shouts, “Don’t move!” Eliza is shocked and starts screaming.
Eliza: What are you doing?
Small gangster: I’m kidnapping you!
Eliza: Oh~ I am so scared.
Small gangster: (Talk to the big gangster.) Did you hear that, she is scared?
Big gangster: Ya~ we are professional.
Eliza: Not funny! I’m hungry. I want to go home! I want to go home!
Small gangster: Shut up. Don’t be so noisy!
Eliza keeps crying.
Small gangster: You! Get out of the car!
Big gangster: (Hit the small gangster angrily!) Idiot! I have a stupid partner. (Disappointed)
Eliza: I agree! (Nod head.)
Big gangster: Don’t cry baby, I give you a lollipop.
Eliza: Thank you. How kind of you.
SCENE III
Mother is preparing dinner.
Mom: Eliza! Eliza! Time for dinner! I’m hungry! Hurry up!
No one answers her. And she realizes there is something wrong.
Mom: Eliza, where are you? Don’t play hide and seek with me! It’s not funny. I’m hungry.
As the mother is finding her daughter, the phone rings.
Mom: Hello~ this is Anderson. I’m busy finding my daughter. Don’t bother me!
Big gangster: Are you finding your daughter? Ha! Ha! Ha… she is right here.
Mom: Good job! Tell her it’s time for dinner. I’m hungry!
Big gangster: Hey! You are clueless. I have already kidnapped your daughter, Eliza Anderson!
Mom: Hey! Buddy! Don’t trick me!
Big gangster: Sure! Listen! (The gangster takes the phone to Eliza.)
Eliza: Hello! Mom! I’m here! They are so kind. They gave me a lollipop.
The gangster takes the phone away.
Big gangster: Do you believe me now? If you want your daughter to come back for dinner. You have to prepare the ransom of NT $ 20,000,000.
Mom: Too expensive! 20% off.
Big gangster: Are you buying clothes?
Mom: Bargain is my hobby.
Big gangster: No negotiation you should bring the ransom to Tunghai Lake at 8:00 pm. And remember don’t call the cop. Or you will find your daughter in the lake.
Mom: O.K. See you then!
At Tunghai Lake. The gangsters and Eliza are baking fish from the lake because they are hungry. At this time, the mother is coming.
Mom: Ha! (Mom shouts.)
The gangsters and Eliza are shocked. And the small gangster’s fish is falling down on the floor.
Small gangster: Oh,! My fish! Who’s there?
Mom: It’s me, Bunny Anderson, Eliza’s mother, Anderson’s wife. Where is my daughter? Release my daughter.
Eliza: Hi! Mom, I’m here. Do you want to come here to eat fish?
Big gangster: Where is the ransom?
Mom: Release my daughter first!
Big gangster: Give me the ransom first!
Mom: No way!
And the battle begins.
Mom: Justice is always the winner.
Eliza: Oh~ Yeah! Mom, you win!
Celine: Ha! I got it! I got it! A new…… headline.
Celine: I am at Tunghai Lake. Earlier, there was a violent fighting. A watermelon knife V.S. A B.B.Q. fork. According to the witnesses, a mother fought with the gangsters for her daughter. And the mother won. Now, let’s interview the persons involved.
Celine: Do you feel regretful? Do you feel sorry to this society?
Small gangster: I……
Celine: I…… I know. You are very sorry and regretful. How about you? (Turn to the big gangster.)
Big gangster: None of your business. (Run to the wall.) Leave me alone.
Eliza: Me! Me!
Celine: What do you want to say?
Eliza: Uh…My mom is so cool. She came to save me!
Mom: My turn. My turn.
Celine: O.K. O.K. What do you want to say after winning the fight?
Mom: Well……
Celine: Well, you are very happy and proud of yourself to be the winner in the battle.
Mom: Yes. And the gangsters…
Celine: Oh, the gangsters are very stupid and silly.
Mom: Right. And they…
Celine: They want to trick you, but…
Mom: But… enough. I’m hungry. I want to go home with my daughter.
Celine: Next time, if you receive a phone call from a scam artist, here are the things you can do to avoid being tricked. First, stay clam and be skeptical about it. The caller hopes to fool you with a moving story, causing you to forget your good judgment. A little doubt can protect you. Second, verify the story. Call the organization to make sure the story is true. Third, report it to the police. And don’t deal with the villains on your own. One phone call will often expose a trap quickly. However, to tell the truth, the mother is really very brave. She is my idol. I want to keep her sign. This is reporter Celine reporting from Tunghia Lake for TVAS.
英语的笑话14
Two Birds 两只鸟
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗?
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
经典英语小笑话：这有多娇生惯养啊
The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled(被宠坏的) . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(乱发脾气) . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.
When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.
Was school all right? she asked, Did you get along all right? did you cry?
Cry? John asked. No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!
六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的.父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。
约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：学校怎么样?你过的好吗?哭了没有?
哭?约翰问，不，我没哭，可老师哭了。
英语的笑话15
A Smart Parrot
聪明的鹦鹉
A curious guy goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. There he sees a parrot with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to it's right leg. He asks the owner the significance of the strings1. "Well, this is a highly trained parrot. If you pull the red string he speaks French; if you pull the green string he speaks German," replies the shop keeper.
有个人去宠物店买鹦鹉。在那里，他看见有只鹦鹉的'左腿被红线系住，右腿则被绿线系住。对此他感到不解，于是他问该店的老板，老板回答说：“这只鹦鹉受过特殊的训练。如果拉红线，它就讲法语，拉绿线，它则讲德语。”
"And what happens if I pull both the strings?" our curious shopper inquires.
这个好奇的人接着问，“要是我两条线都拉，会怎么样呢?”
"I fall off my perch2 you fool!!" screeches3 the parrot.
“我就会掉下来了，你这个傻瓜!!”鹦鹉尖叫着说。
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